


Who Spencer Reid Loves

by BlueberriesAndBubbles



Series: Clouds Turn Pink [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Hurt Spencer Reid, M/M, Mutual Pining, OMC - Freeform, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueberriesAndBubbles/pseuds/BlueberriesAndBubbles
Summary: Derek Morgan has been in love with the resident genius as long as he's known him.  When Spencer enters a relationship with a mystery man, Derek is unhappy.  He is even more unhappy when he meets this man.  Spencer starts acting different and Derek knows something is wrong and he has a feeling its connected to the man Reid is dating.Will Derek figure out what's going on with Spencer, can he help him?
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Clouds Turn Pink [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793584
Comments: 92
Kudos: 369





	1. Drinks After A Case

Derek knew it wasn't his place, wasn't his right. Spencer Reid can date whoever he wants and it's unfair to assume that person is terrible, simply awful for the genius. Did his heart ache everytime someone teased the kid about his mystery man? Yes, **dear lord** , **YES**. He had basically avoided any conversations that brought up dating, Spencer never mentioned his boyfriend on his own, but Derek couldn't risk to be around when he eventually does. It was roughly 5 months ago when the team found out Reid was seeing someone and then a couple weeks after that, they discovered he was seeing a man. 

He didn't even know Spencer liked men, had he known, he would have made his move the year he met him, _fraternization rules be damned_. 

They had just gotten back from a long and exhausting case, it ended off alright, they managed to arrest the unsub and save 3 victims, so it was a happy ending. The team had decided to go out for some drinks when they got back to recover from the length of the case together. 

"Hey Reid, you better be in for drinks when we land!" Emily said from her seat next to Derek. Spencer was curled up on the couch opposite them on the jet. 

"I was actually thinking I'd just go home. I'm quite tired." Spencer replied, rubbing his eyes.

"You got a migraine, kid?" Derek asked, noticing how tense Spencer had been since the case ended and they were preparing to return home.

"No, no. I really need to get home though, I've been away longer than I thought I would." Spencer mumbled, obviously controlling his words. 

"Ohhh need to get home to your hunky man?" Garcia teased from the computer she was currently displayed on. 

"Oh that's right, Spence, you should just bring him to get drinks. Dont you think it's time we all met him?" JJ asked, a giant smile on her face. Derek stayed very, _very_ quiet, watching Spencer closely.

"Oh no, that's alright, I'm tired and it's not his thing." Spencer deflected. Derek relaxed, he wasn't sure he could handle a night with the man Spencer loved, the man who wasn't **him**. 

"Oh boy wonder, if you don't pull out your phone and invite him, I'll look at your phone records to get his number and invite him myself." Garcia threatened, though her voice was playful. Everyone chuckled except Spencer and Derek. Spencer's eyes had gone wide, was that fear? 

"No! That's unnecessary. I'll invite him when I get home and see him, we'll meet you at the bar." Spencer said with a tired sigh.

"He's waiting at your house for you?" Emily asked with a smirk. Spencer gave her a confused look. 

"We live together." Spencer said simply. 

"What!?" Emily, JJ, and Garcia all yelled at the same time. Hotch and Rossi looked mildly amused and curious, Derek stayed quiet and expressionless. 

"Spence, when did that happen? Why wouldn't you tell us? We don't even know his name!" JJ cried out. 

"I prefer my privacy. His name is Kristopher." Spencer said, his voice slightly uneasy.

"Call him and invite him right now! That way you can't ditch us! I'm about to go in your phone records!" Garcia warned, snickering. 

"Okay, okay! Stop it. I'll call him." Spencer said, jumping up and moving to the little space between the bar for drinks and the bathroom, hoping for at least a feeling of privacy. His hands were shaking as he pressed Kristophers contact, ignoring the cheers from the girls. 

The team all went silent, listening intently to Spencer's side of the conversation.

"Hey Kris- oh uh not yet, we'll land in an hour. The team wants to get drinks when we get back.... I know, would you come with? They want to meet you..... I know--.... yes, of course. Thank you, see you soon..... I love you too." Spencer hung up and released a sigh, heading into the bathroom without a word to the team. 

After several minutes, he returned to his seat on the couch, avoiding the eyes on him.

"Sooo?" Emily prodded.

"Oh! Yeah he'll come with. I'm gonna meet him at home first though, then we'll head to the bar." Spencer said, earning grins and cheers from the girls. Hotch and Rossi both smirked and shook their heads, Derek faked a smile and put his headphones on, dreading that night. 

* * *

The team had been at the bar for almost an hour and so far, no Reid. On the brighter side, no Kristopher either, so that was a win in Derek's mind. His relief was shortlived when he saw that familiar mop of chestnut brown curls behind some strangers. His breath caught in his chest when the people moved, revealing Spencer awkwardly walking towards them. A man was with him who had his arm draped possessively over Spencer's shoulders. 

The man was a bit taller than Spencer, which was shocking considering the kids height. He wasnt quite as pale as Spencer, but he couldn't be considered tan either. He had short, neatly trimmed black hair and piercing blue eyes. He was quite muscular, definitely more so than the lithe genius, but Morgan boosted his own ego at the fact that his muscles were at least a little bigger. He was dressed in nice black pants and a black sweater V-neck, his shoes looked expensive and he wore a nice watch. He walked with confidence as he kept Spencer close to his side in a grip too tight for Derek's liking. 

"Hey guys, sorry we are late. This is Kristopher." Spencer said to his friends who were all gaping at the couple.

"It's great to finally meet you all, I've heard so much from Spence." Kristopher said with a bright friendly smile. They all greeted him and introduced themselves. Derek faked friendly the best he could, but when he introduced himself as Derek Morgan, Kristopher seemed to tense for just a second, his grip on Spencer tightening just smidge. 

"If you'll excuse us for just a second while we get our drinks." Kristopher said to the team with nod, guiding Spencer over to the bar. 

"Wow! Boy wonder sure did get a stud! He's totally all over our little genius too! I'm so happy for them!" Garcia was basically squealing her excitement. Emily and JJ seemed to agree. 

"I don't know, doesn't he give you guys a weird feeling?" Derek asked nervously. 

"No? We just met him and he seems nice, hes probably nervous. Don't be the overly protective big brother, Morgan." Emily said, giving him a stern look. 

"I'm not! Just looking out for the kid. He never even told us that they lived together." Derek replied in a defensive tone. 

"You know how private and shy he is about dating, he probably didn't want us meddling in his relationship with Kristopher." JJ said, eyeing the couple at the bar. 

Kristopher had his arm around Spencer's waist as they waited for their drinks, he leaned in close and whispered something to Spencer. Reid went tense for a moment before nodding his head and breaking away, heading to the bathroom. Kristopher returned to the team with his and Reids drinks, he didn't miss the way Derek was watching him. 

"Where's Reid?" Derek asked.

"He had to pee, he'll be right back. You know how squirrelly he gets in places like this, though." Kristopher joked, making the girls laugh and Rossi smile, Hotch simply nodded his head. 

"I've got to say, you guys are too cute. What's it like living with our awkward little genius?" Garcia asked with huge moon eyes. 

"It's great, still trying to learn the off switch for his rambling and statistics at times!" Kristopher laughed, causing chuckles from the rest of the team, except Derek. 

"Yeah, good luck with that, the kids too smart for an off button." Rossi joked back. 

"Unfortunately, but he's gorgeous, so I've learned to live with it." Kristopher said, making the girls all giggle and cheer. 

Derek was seething with anger on the inside, it was one thing for the team to joke about Spencer and his ramblings, but this guy had no right. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he hated how this guy didnt seem to appreciate Spencer for anything but his looks. He couldn't contain his glare and it was caught by Kristopher, who always seemed to go tense when glancing at Morgan. 

"So.. Morgan is it? I havent heard much about you, what do you do on the team?" Kristopher asked. 

Derek knew what he was doing, he was trying to make Derek feel as though Spencer never brought him up. He knew better than to let that work, he was Spencer's best friend and there was no way Kristopher hadn't heard plenty about him. He officially hated this guy, he was basically challenging him in front of the team. 

"I'm a profiler, same as the kid, of course I dont have an IQ of 187 though." Derek said with a fond smile. 

"What would an IQ have to do with it?" Kristopher asked, clearly confused. 

That's odd, Spencer hadn't told his live-in boyfriend about his IQ, did he even know that the kid could read 20,000 words a minute? 

"That's Spence's IQ!" JJ supplied. 

"Oh right, I almost forgot! Definitely got myself a bright one, huh?" Kristopher chuckled. 

"Bright? Spencer passed 'bright' before he was even born! The kid basically came out a fact spouting genius!" Rossi said, laughing and taking a drink of his wine. 

Right then Spencer returned, but Derek didn't miss how he was moving almost as if in pain. He quickly took his seat next to Kristopher, who put an arm around him and pushed his drink closer to him, leaning towards the boys ears. 

"Drink up baby, you'll feel better." Kristopher said, kissing Spencer's temple. Spencer had a pained smile as he started drinking the wine Kristopher ordered for him. 

"Is something wrong, Spence?" JJ asked, worriedly. Hotch was silently observing, an eyebrow raised as he analyzed the behavior between Reid and Kristopher. 

"Hm? No! I'm fine!" Spencer put on a more convincing smile as Kristopher started rubbing his hand up and down Reids arm. 

"He is quite tired though, we won't be able to stay late, unfortunately." Kristopher added with a sas smile towards the team. The girls all cooed at Spencer and agreed that he'd need rest, Hotch and Derek remained quiet and Rossi was too focused on his wine to hear what was said. 

After about an hour of small talk and tension between Morgan and Kristopher, Reid seemed very on edge, almost scared. Derek wanted to pull him aside and ask what was wrong, but he doubted anyone could get the kid out of Kristophers grip.

"Hes exhausted and I am too honestly, I think it's time we head home, nice meeting you all." Kristopher said, pulling Spencer up with him and leading him out the door, not giving him time to say goodbye to his team. 

* * *

"Um thank you, Kris- for coming with tonight, I mean." Spencer said timidly as they walked to Kristophers car.

"Of course baby, I know you'll show me how thankful you are when we're home." Kris said with wide grin, stopping when they reached the car, opening the passenger side and roughly pushing Spencer in. He ran around to the drivers side, hoping in and starting the car.

"Um.. I'm tired.. Sore from before the bar.." Spencer said quietly, looking down. 

"Oh I'm sorry baby, was I too rough earlier?" Kris asked, though his voice had an edge to it, he placed his hand on Spencer's thigh and gave it a squeeze. 

"Uh just a little, it always hurts when you don't prep me first." Spencer said, looking away. 

"Are you blaming me? You were gone for almost two weeks, I couldn't help myself." Kris said, sounding angry.

"No, I'm not blaming you. I'm sorry the case took so long." Spencer said, flashing a smile at Kris to hopefully calm him down. 

"I don't like Morgan at all, Spencer. He kept glaring at me, acting like you're his. You're mine though, aren't you?" Kris asked, he sounded even more on edge, making fear shoot through Spencer.

"Of course I am, Kris. Just yours." Spencer said, forcing his voice to sound confident.

"Mmm good, you'll prove it when we get home, won't you?" Kris asked, smiling at Spencer.

"Yes." Spencer said timidly. 

After a 12 minute tense caride, they arrived at Spencer's apartment. They headed up without a word, but once the door closed, Spencer didn't have time to react as he was shoved against the wall and kissed roughly. 

"Want you on your knees." Kris ordered before biting at Spencer's neck, making the young man release a groan of pain. 

"Now." Kris said, shoving Reid down so he was on his knees, holding Kristophers hips to keep himself steady. He unbuckled Kristopher's pants and slowly pulled them down with his boxers, grimacing when his hard member sprang free. He hated this, he hated the taste and the way Kris always made him choke.

"Come on, suck, better make it wet, that's all you'll get for lube tonight." Kris warned, eyeing Spencer darkly. Spencer pulled away and looked up in fear, Kris had always used proper lube, even if it wasnt enough or he didn't stretch Spencer first.

"W-what? N-no no Kris I need lube.. uh I don't feel good." Spencer stuttered out, falling down before Kris who was **not** looking pleased. 

"No, you don't. I'll take you dry if you dont suck.. Now Spencer!" Kris yelled, bending down to grip Spencer's hair and pulled him up, shoving his face into his cock. 

"Wait Kris, stop! Stop, you're scaring me.." Spencer cried, tears building in his eyes. 

"Alright, enough of this, I warned you. Up, now!" Kris demanded, starting to drag Spencer to their bedroom by his hair. Reid cried out in pain and desperately grabbed Kristophers wrist to ease to pressure on his scalp. Dragging him to the bed, Kris pinned Spencer down, his knees on either side of his thighs, holding his wrists down above his head. 

"K-ris! Please stop, don't do this! Not _this_!" Spencer pleaded, thrashing in his grip. 

"Shh baby, this would have hurt a lot less if you'd been a good. Just relax or it'll get worse. I didn't want to hurt you, **you're** making me do this, Spencer!" Kris said.

He moved to pin both of Reids wrists with one hand as he started undoing Spencer's pants with his other. He yanked Reids pants down fast, too fast. Everything was happening too quick for Spencer to understand, Kris had never been this aggressive, he could barely process his own fear. 

"Kris wait, please don't, I'm already sore.. I'll do what you asked! I will!" Spencer pleaded, but he was ignored.

Kris lifted off Spencer and tore his pants and briefs away before pinning him back down, aggressively sucking and biting at Spencer's neck. 

"I need you now, baby." Kris growled in his ear, forcing Spencer's legs apart. 

"Please stop! I can't do this.. not this **please**!" Spencer begged, kicking his legs. 

"The more you fight, the rougher I'll be. I can make this good for you if you behave!" Kris yelled. Spencer immediately stopped fighting, praying this meant Kris would use lube, that's what he meant right? 

Kris tore off Reids shirt and settled between his legs, as Spencer tried to reach for the lube on the bedside table, he felt a blunt pressure at his entrance. 

"No! Kris you promised! Lube! I need lube, I can't take you without it!" Spencer cried, tears streaming down his face. 

"Shut up! You will take what I give you, slut." Kris said angrily, forcing himself inside Reid. 

"AGH! No! Take it out! It burns! Please Kris! I'm sorry, take it out!" Spencer screamed, trying to thrash. 

Kris growled angrily at the fight he was receiving, he shoved himself in the rest of the way, pulling screams of agony from his young partner. He'd always felt sparks of arousal in his abdomen whenever he heard Spencer in pain, but this was so much better. Being the one pulling those cries from Spencer made him impossibly hard, he'd never felt so good before. 

"Oh god, so tight, wouldn't have known I fucked you earlier. Mm baby!" Kris screamed out, thrusting hard into the lithe man below him. He was in pure heaven, listening to his lover cry out. 

Reid was in hell. All he could feel was pain, white hot searing agony. He felt like he was being torn in half as Kris thrust inside his small body. He felt a trail of what he was sure was fire inside himself before something gave and he could feel a warm liquid seeping out of him and running down his thighs. He tried to stop feeling, he tried to block it all out, but then he felt hands wrap around his throat. 

"Mmm you get so tight when I do this! Gasp for me baby, beg me to let you breathe!" Kris commanded.

"P-please.. Kris.. l-et me- breathe!" Spencer begged with what air he could get, tears streaming down his face. 

Kris pulled out most of the way before letting go of Reids throat, slamming himself back in hard and fast. He gripped Spencer's hips tight enough to bruise as he took up a brutal pace. 

"P-lease st-stop! It hurts! Somethings wrong Kris!" Spencer cried harder, feeling himself be torn from the inside, blood flowing down his thighs and rear. 

"I'm so close baby, I need you to cry for me, scream for me and it'll all be over." Kris said, repeatedly forcing himself inside Spencer's damaged body. 

Spencer did as he was told, he screamed. 


	2. Saturday Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek tries not to think about Reid... and fails..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the sweet comments on the first chapter, I'll try to post new chapters everyday or every two days.

Spencer woke up in his bed he'd been sharing with Kristopher for the past 3 months. He tried to move, but felt pain shoot from his rear up his spine. He cried out in pain through his labored breaths. 

"Shh baby, don't move, I'm gonna take care of you." Kris said, walking into the room with a rag and bowl of warm soapy water. 

"K-Kris? It hurts... I-I think I need to go to the hospital.." Spencer said through his newly falling tears. 

"No hospitals baby, we can't explain this. I'm sorry, I know I was rough, I should have used lube." Kris said apologetically. He began gently wiping off the blood from Spencer's thighs and rear. He wiped over Reids entrance and got a hiss from the young man.

"D-dont touch there! H-hurts. Can't breathe.. Kris I need a hospital.. I need help." Spencer pleaded. 

"I said no! I'll clean you up and get you settled, you'll be good as new by monday for work." Kris said, ringing out the blood soaked rag and continuing his process of cleaning Reid. 

"It hurts too much, Kris! I need something." Spencer said, shaking his head as tears streamed down his face.

"Fucking junkie, I'm not giving you dilaudid. I'll get you some tylenol. Don't move." Kris pressed a gentle kiss over Reids stomach before leaving to retrieve medicine. 

He returned with a glass of water and a few pills.

"Sit up for me, Pen." Kris coaxed, grabbing Spencer's hand and pulling him up.

"Ah! It hurts! It hurts so much, Kris.." Spencer whined out as Kris forced him to sit up.

"Shh, I know, take these meds, baby." Kris said, handing Spencer the water and pills. He placed a gentle kiss to Reids unresponsive lips before pulling away. Spencer took the pills and gulped the water, knowing he was dehydrated. 

"It's saturday baby, what do you want to do today?" Kris asked with a smile, tucking Spencer's hair behind his ear.

"I can't do anything.. I need help.. please.." Spencer tried again, leaning into Kristophers soothing touch. 

"Shh you don't. I'll check you over, see if you're still bleeding. Lay down, Pen." Kris said urging Spencer to lay back down. 

"No.. I- Kris don't- s..sore." Spencer argued uselessly as he was laid down and Kris gently urged his legs apart and spread his cheeks, looking him over. 

"There isn't any new blood, you just need rest. I'll take good care of you, I'll apply some antibacterial cream, it'll hurt just a bit, stay here." Kris said, running into the bathroom and rummaging around. 

Spencer felt confused, he felt like last night hadn't really happened. Kris was taking care of him.. after he'd.. been so rough? It didn't make sense. Reid knew that what happened was wrong, he knew he should get help, get away from Kris. Kris had been too rough before, but never like last night. He'd never... torn Spencer before. He'd only hit Spencer a few times and he would apologize profusely afterwards. Spencer let a few tears fall as pain overwhelmed his body, his wrists were lightly bruised from being pinned and he had bite marks and hickeys over his neck and chest. His hips were bruised from Kristophers rough grip. 

"Okay, I got some antibacterial cream, but also some numbing cream, hopefully it wont hurt so bad. I'm sorry, Pen. I love you." Kris kissed across Spencer's stomach, making the younger shiver in fear. 

"I'm gonna apply the cream, I'll be gentle, but it'll hurt, I'm sorry baby." Kris said, settling between Reids legs and covering his finger in antibacterial ointment, gently pushing it inside of Reid. 

"Ah! It hurts Kris... it burns" Spencer whined, Kris rubbed his free hand up and down Reids side to soothe him. 

"I know, baby. Breathe through it, this will help you heal... all done, now some numbing cream." Kris pulled his finger out, earning a wince from Spencer. He pushed it back in, slathered in numbing cream, Spencer whimpered in pain, but didn't say anything. 

"Alright all done! Want some breakfast in bed?" Kris asked with a smile on his face, tracing his fingers across Spencer's chest. 

"I dont think I can keep anything down.." Reid said, wincing as he moved to get more comfortable. 

"Okay, we'll try lunch later. I am sorry, Spencer.." Kris said, looking at Reid with sad eyes. 

"I know.. You.. you scared me.." Spencer said hesitantly. 

"I know, I didn't mean to. I'll make it up to you, promise." Kris said, bending down to kiss Reid on the head, smiling when the young man leaned into the contact. 

"I wish you hadn't fought me so much baby, you know I hate hurting you.." Kris continued.

"I know, I'm sorry. It wont happen again." Spencer said, looking away. 

Spencer was in pain, an unimaginable amount of pain, he was surprised he was breathing as well as he was. He was scared of Kris, but he also just wanted the man to hold him, he was the only person who would ever be willing to hold Spencer and he reminded him of that fact often. 

"Kris..?" Spencer asked timidly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can you- well I'd like it if-.. Hold me?" Spencer managed the words out despite his fear and confusion. 

"Oh Pen, of course, c'mere." Kris said, laying next to Reid and gently pulling him close, resting Spencer's head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around the lithe man. 

"Better?" Kris asked, looking down at the damaged man cuddled into him. 

"Better." 

\------

It was saturday and all Derek could do was think about Spencer. Well, Spencer and Kristopher, or apparently _Kris_ to his pretty boy. **His** pretty boy. He had no right to think that way over Reid, but damnit he couldn't help it. His morning run hadn't helped with the anger that would rise everytime the image of Kristophers arm wrapped tightly around Reid popped in his head. That man was off, definitely off. 

He'd done all he really could to take his mind off Reid, yet he'd felt the need to call the genius since last night. He barely slept, he'd felt something awful in his chest all night, though it was probably nothing, just him being paranoid. He tried to think of an excuse to hangout with Reid today, but nothing came to mind, he just wanted the kid away from Kristopher. He wanted him out of Kristophers arms, wrapped safely in his own.

Maybe he was being treated right, maybe Morgan was forcing Kristopher to seem evil because of his feelings for the resident genius. He smacked his forehead, he needed to get over Reid. He has a live-in boyfriend who makes him happy, Morgan told himself it was finally time to let go of his feelings for Spencer, no matter how bad it hurt. 

Now that he officially decided his feelings were magically gone, he could call Reid, right? He was just wanting to hang with his best friend, nothing wrong with that. He smiled and picked up his phone, pressing Reids contact and holding the phone to his ear, anticipating the groggy voice of Spencer Reid. 

Morgan waited as the phone rang.

And rang..

And rang....

Until finally.....

**_' **You** have reached Dr. Spencer Reid, I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message.'_ **

Well, fuck. Spencer always answers the phone. Maybe he's too busy having morning sex with his perfect boyfriend, wait... probably shouldn't think about that since Reid is just his best friend. Lots of people imagine their best friends in sexual ways though, right? It wasn't wrong that he'd gotten off to the idea of Spencer's lips wrapped around his- **No**! No No nonono! He definitely shouldn't think about that right now. Great... now he's half hard... what a perfect saturday. 

  
_Two hours later..._

  
Derek had basically failed at distracting himself from Reid and decided he'd attempt to call him again, surely any morning sexual escapades would be finished by now. Lord help him if he was wrong. He once again found himself sitting there with his phone pressed eagerly against his ear as it rang.

And rang...

And rang....

And then rang impossibly longer.....

And then, finally! 

**_'You have reached Dr. Spencer Reid, I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message.'_ **

This time, Derek waited for the beep so that he could leave a totally chill voicemail. 

"Uh hey kid, its Derek- you knew that. I just wanted to check on you, not like you to miss my calls- um with our job and all. We don't have a case or anything, but if you're free to hangout, call me back! Bye, Reid." Derek hung up with a sigh. That definitely could have been worse, well maybe not. 

He stared at his phone, hoping he could will it to ring with his puppy dog eyebrows... nothing. He came to the conclusion that his eyebrows only worked on his baby girl, not a certain genius who couldn't even see them at the moment. He's too busy staring at _Kris's_ eyebrows... _Kris's_ eyebrows have nothing on his though, he wore a smug smile at the thought. 

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Derek asked himself, shaking his head. 

He just needed some sense knocked into him... he opened his phone and called the one contact he knew wouldn't dissapoint. He pressed the phone to his ear and heard it ring once before a magical voice flowed through. 

"Well hello my chocolate thunder." Garcia whispered sensually into the phone.

"Hey, baby girl." Derek said, cherishing her and their friendship in the moment. 

"Uh oh." Garcia said suddenly.

"Why uh oh?" Derek questioned.

"You sound all kinds of sad! What's wrong? talk to me!" Garcia demanded.

"I'm worried about Reid- Reid and Kristopher, I mean." Derek replied, deciding it would just get him yelled at to beat around the bush.

"Why? They seemed so cute last night!" Garcia squealed at the idea of how adorable Reid looked pressed against his larger lover.

"Uhh.. yeah maybe you're right... Reid is probably... happy with **him** , I guess." Derek mumbled, sighing after he finished. There was a silence for a minute before Garcia finally spoke. 

"Aweh sweetie honey..." Garcia said, her voice full of sympathy. 

"What?" Derek asked, increasingly confused, an emotion he was becoming familiar with. 

"How long have you loved boy wonder?" Garcia asked plainly. Derek sighed, it was time to let it all pour out.

"Since I met him, well since I got to really know him. I accepted my feelings when Hankel happened. Seeing him in that god awful shed, being hurt like that... When we watched him die, a part of me died with him, then it came back when he did too. When he finally opened up about his addiction to me, it was after he'd already gotten sober all on his own. I've always known he was strong, but to battle PTSD and addiction by yourself? Few could do that, but my pretty boy did..." Derek stopped himself before he went into an hour long rant on the times he realized just how much he loved Dr. Spencer Reid. 

"Oh wow, you really do love him. Why didn't you tell him!? He clearly had been pining after you!" Garcia yelled into her phone. 

"What? No he wasn't!" Derek defended, he was in utter disbelief. 

"Yes, he was! Honestly, I think he still is. You're the only person he seems comfortable with touching him. He stares at you when you're not looking, just like you do to him! You were also the only person he opened up to about Gideon leaving. He loves you, Derek Morgan. You know Reid, he never would believe you could return his feelings unless you walked up and kissed him... even then, you may have to say it to him real slow afterwards!" Garcia was still screaming into her phone.

"Let's say that's true, what am I supposed to do now? Go knock on his door where his boyfriend could possibly answer so that I can confess my love to Spencer? It would be crazy!" Derek exclaimed, rubbing his face in frustration.

"Help me please.. I can't get him out of my head. Kristopher gave me a bad feeling too, I can't ignore that!" Derek continued. 

"What kind of bad feeling?" Garcia asked curiously. 

"I dont know, baby girl! He seemed possessive.." 

"You'd be possessive if you were dating the young and innocent Spencer Reid." Garcia snickered.

"Well, _I'm_ not, thanks! He seemed controlling! Spencer barely said a word while Kristopher was there." Derek grumbled. 

"Oh honey, Spence was tired! I honestly think they might be happy... it's up to you what to do, but unless you are sure you can give Reid what Kristopher is, don't go wreck what they have." Garcia said softly. 

"You're right... Kristopher lives with him, probably takes care of him when he gets headaches... I want to give everything I have to him, but maybe I cant. Unless they naturally end, I'll stay away." Derek said, his voice full of heartache. 

"Oh sweet fudge lover, you really are in love with 187, huh? If you think you can give Reid your everything, why not? He's in love with you, he might be living with Kristopher, but he'd be happier with you, no doubt." Garcia encouraged. 

"No, Penelope, I cant think that way. Yes, I love him... so goddamn much... but I cant go ruin the first real relationship he's had because I was too late. He loves Kristopher, I heard him say so over the phone on the jet." Derek felt a stab in his heart at the memory of Spencer easily returning his love to the man over the phone. 

"That's really... noble.. and dumb of you, leaving them to be happy even though I can hear how its killing you. Do you still have that bad feeling over Kristopher?" Garcia asked, her voice also sounded pained at this point. 

"Actually.. yes, I do. I want to make sure he's treating Reid right, once I'm sure, I'll let myself move on. That guy made my hairs stand up, Garcia, I didn't like it." Derek sighed. 

"I'll see if I can get Kristopher around the team more, somehow. If we all get to know him and see how they interact, we can decide if he's good enough for the BAU baby." Garcia said, sounding more sure of herself. 

"Alright... also, I've tried calling Reid today, twice. He hasn't picked up which isn't like him, I'm probably being paranoid, but I'm worried." Derek said, his panic returning.

"I agree that's odd, but I'm sure hes fine, you know how he'll get wrapped up in what he's reading or writing. His phone could have died." Garcia reassured.

"Can you actually check to see if his phone is on?" Derek asked. 

"I'm not near my computer, but I can check for you soon, I'll text you the answer in like 20 minutes, okay?" Garcia replied. 

"Thanks sweetness, I owe you. I'll talk to you later, love you." Derek said. 

"Oh I love you more!" Garcia chirped before the line went dead. 

Okay... he just had to occupy himself for 20 minutes and not obsess over Reid or what felt like a knife twisting in his heart...

_20 minutes later..._

He had failed miserably not to obsess over Reid, it was probably the worst he's ever done at a task he assigned himself. He decided to try his eyebrows on the phone again, hoping Garcia would would magically sense them and be able to tell him if Spencer's phone was dead. A message from Garcia popped up.. huh.. maybe the eyebrows hold some power afterall? Of course, still only on his gorgeous tech analyst. 

**_Messages:_ **

**_Penelope Garcia:_ ** _Reids phone is on and in his apartment. He is probably napping, relax lover boy._

  
Derek shook his head and groaned out, he felt worry bubble even fiercer within himself, what if something happened to Spencer? He was probably crazy, but he'd have to call again, coming across as paranoid was worth it to be sure Reid was safe. He quickly texted Garcia his thanks for checking before tapping Reids contact to call him. He endured more of that gut wrenching ringing that seemed to last forever until suddenly.. It stopped like an answer to his prayers, but then his heart dropped when the voice that answered definitely was not his pretty boy. 

" _Hello_?" Came a slightly hushed voice that definitely belonged to Kristopher.

"Hi.. I need to speak with Reid." Derek said, keeping his voice level. 

" _Oh! I'm sorry, hes currently unavailable, would you like me to give him a message later?"_ Kristopher said, his voice was nice, too nice. 

"May I ask why he is unavailable? He is to be on call 24/7, he always answers." Derek tried to remain professional sounding.

" _He's resting right now, he felt quite ill this morning. Does he have a case?"_ Kristopher asked, that edge Derek remembered from the bar was back. 

"Oh no, there's no case right now, not that I could tell **you** if there was. What is he ill with?" Derek asked worriedly. 

_"I'm not sure Pen would want me to share that with others. I'll be sure he receives any future calls, but I really must be going now. Have a good saturday."_ Kristopher said before hanging up, giving Derek no chance to reply.

Pen... _Pen_.... ** _Pen_**... That asshole gave him a nickname! A cute one too.. at least he's not calling him pretty boy, Derek was sure his head would explode if he heard such a thing.

Derek _really_ didn't like this guy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters will be posted soon.
> 
> Peace and love,  
> -Nei♡


	3. Monday

It was finally monday, after an excruciating weekend full of thoughts about Reid and his perfect boyfriend, Kristopher. He hadn't ever heard back from Reid and he was dying inside trying to figure out why he wouldn't call back. Calling three times was probably a bit much, he figured he annoyed the genius by calling so many times. He walked into work and prepared himself for seeing that adorable genius settled at his desk, perfect messy hair and sweater vest and that old messenger bag. He stood stunned when he saw the desk empty, Reid was always early, usually as early as Hotch.

He would usually have already been at work for an hour by the time Morgan strolls in, so Derek couldn't help but panic that Spencer was nowhere to be seen. Just then he heard that familiar ding of the elevator, he swung around to see just who he'd spent the last two days obsessing over. 

Spencer slowly walked out in his typical clothes, except something was wrong. His hair was even messier than usual and Derek swore there was a limp in his geniuses step. What the fuck happened to Spencer Reid?

"Pretty Boy!" Derek cheered, walking up to Spencer who flinched when he heard the nickname, making Derek suddenly frown. 

"Hey, Morgan." Spencer said, forcing a smile.

"You're late, kid. You alright?" Derek asked, analyzing his friends appearance. 

"I'm on time. I'm fine." Spencer said, making his way to the kitchen and fixing his typical sugar-loaded coffee. 

"How was your weekend?" Derek asked, following Spencer to the kitchen and watching him as he moved stiffly making his coffee. 

"Uh, fine. I read some books.." Spencer replied timidly, sipping his coffee. 

"You feeling better?" Derek asked worriedly.

"W-what? Feeling better from what?" Spencer's eyes had turned to wide saucers. 

"Kristopher said you were feeling ill." Derek replied. He watched Spencer's face turn to panic for just a second before an expressionless mask was placed in front. 

"Wha- why did you speak with K-Kris..?" Spencer asked wearily. 

"I tried calling you three times, kid. He answered the third time and told me you were sick." Derek said slowly, he watched as understanding finally washed over Reid and he seemed to relax. 

"Oh yeah, I'm much better, just tired. I uh should get started on paperwork." Spencer said, making his way past Derek to his desk. 

Derek watched painfully as Spencer made calculated movements to his desk. Okay... what happened? Something happened, he just had to find out what. Dear lord pretty boy, if hes hurting you, I'll kill him. He observed as Spencer slowly sat in his chair, wincing as he sat before starting his mound of paperwork. Surely some of those files belonged to Emily and Derek felt a pang of guilt that some were his as well. He hurried over to Spencer's desk where the young man was briefly speaking with Emily. 

"Hey, kid, sorry I put some files with yours again, I'll take them back." Derek mumbled, grabbing the files. Spencer gave him a weird look but went quite and began officially working. 

Derek tried to focus on his paperwork, he knew he had a lot to do that day, even if they didn't have a case yet. He couldn't help but glance at Spencer. Something was wrong with the kid and that lion inside his chest was roaring unhappily that Derek wasn't doing anything. He was sure Spencer's boyfriend could take care of whatever was bothering Reid, he needed to back off. He nodded to himself and began working, putting Reid on a 'Forbidden' list of things to think about in his mind.

  
After several hours of paperwork on an oddly quiet day, Spencer found himself finally breathing properly since Friday night. He didn't want to think about Friday, about Kris, about his rough hands or the way he hurt him. 

' _You'll take what I give you, slut!'_ Rang in Spencer's head like a sick mantra. Was that all he was to his boyfriend of 6 months, 1 week and 3 days? Being hit or shoved a few times was one thing, but what happened Friday left marks, and not just physical ones. His body was screaming at him, everything hurt, his wrists were still sore and everytime he moved, sharp pain would radiate in his rear. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to beg for help.

He glanced over at Morgan who was focused on his work, he'd not spoken a word to Reid since taking his files back. Did he do something to upset Derek? Oh god, he couldn't lose Derek, he just couldn't. What would Derek think of him after this, though? Would his best friend be able to look at him without disgust if he learned what he let Kris do- how he let Kris use him? 

He felt tears stinging his eyes and he quickly closed them, desperately trying to will away the pain and emotional turmoil. Kris had spent the weekend caring for him, apologizing for how rough he'd been, but was that enough? What if he went home and it happened again? He couldn't take that, he couldn't take anymore hurt. He'll always have the image of those hand shaped bruises on his hips burned into his memory. He'll never forget what it felt like to have the man he let himself love choke him as he used his body for pleasure. He'll always remember the helpless feeling that overcame him when his wrists were pinned above his head in a painful grip, leaving heart wrenching bruises. 

"Reid... Kid... Spencer!" Reid heard Derek call out to him and he snapped his eyes open, praying the tears had left.

"Huh, what?" Spencer asked, snapping back to reality.

"We've been trying to ask you if you wanted to join us for lunch for the past few minutes. What's wrong with you?" Derek asked worriedly, he went to put his hand on Spencer's should, but the young man turned in his chair to avoid the touch. 

Derek felt like he'd just been punched in the chest, Spencer hadn't had an issue with his touch since they got close, but suddenly he shys away from it? He must have really made Spencer feel weird for calling, but wait, was Spencer shocked when he'd said he called him earlier? Maybe he's weirded out now that he knows Derek was so obsessed with him. 

"I'm okay, I'm not hungry." Spencer answered, looking away from Derek's soul piercing gaze. 

"Alright, try to eat something though." Derek said, letting it go, assuming Reid wanted space from him.

Derek and Emily left for lunch, leaving Spencer at his desk, alone. Alone. He felt so alone. He couldn't imagine eating while feeling like this, he' barely eaten besides what Kristopher forced him to over the weekend. 

' _Eat Pen, even if you could stand to lose a few pounds, this isnt the way, at least try a few bites for me, baby..'_ Kristophers words echoed in his head, at least those were better than what was stuck in his head before. 

Could he stand to lose some weight? He'd always been on the verge of being underweight and since dating Kris he had lost some more weight, but maybe Kris wasn't happy with his physical appearance. Maybe that's why he got so rough? No, that doesn't make sense. He isnt getting the satisfaction he needs while you're on cases, that's why hes a bit rougher when Spencer gets back, that's probably why he lost control. 

He wasnt sure what to do with himself, sitting at his desk all alone during lunch, all he could think about was Kris. He never calls Kris while at work, but maybe just once? He could see how Kris was feeling, find out what mood he was in. He slowly made his way to the kitchen before pulling out his phone and selecting Kristophers contact. It rang only once. 

"Hey, baby! Nice hearing from you during the day.." Kris purred into the phone. 

"Hey.." Spencer said dumbly, he wasnt sure what to say, but Kris did sound happy so that was good. 

"Did you need something, Pen?" Kris asked.

"I-No? I think I just missed you." Spencer said, he wasnt sure if he was being honest, but why else would he call Kris. 

"Awe baby, I miss you too, you're so cute when you're needy, my little Pen. When you get home tonight, I'll show you how much I missed you." Kris whispered seductively into the phone. Spencer found himself shiver in fear. 

Oh no. He couldn't do that, he was still in unbelievable pain from Friday. Would it be the same as then? 

"Uh-um.. well- I dont-" Spencer stammered out.

"Shh, I know you're still sore, my poor baby. I'll be real gentle, make you feel good. Go get your work done, I'll be home by 5, I expect you back before 7." Kris said, a growl low in his voice. 

"O-okay. See you l-later, Kris." Spencer stuttered, feeling fear and run through his blood like ice water, shivers wracking his small, hurting frame. 

"Bye, love you baby!" Kris said loudly, he tone had changed to bright and loving, someone was probably in the room with him now.

"I love you too." Spencer said before hanging up the phone. 

Oh god, he just messed up, didnt he? He called Kris and made him think he wanted to jump his bones! He winced at even the idea of having sex, no matter how gentle it was, he knew it would hurt real awful. He was still healing from Friday and he would be for awhile. How long could he expect Kris to wait because his body wasn't ready? He mentally shook himself and decided it was in his best interest to get to work, he wasnt sure what would happen if he got home after 7.

* * *

"So, are we going to talk about Reid and Kristopher?" Emily asked after having enough of the silence in the truck. 

"You think something was off too?" Derek replied, hopefully. 

"I thought they were cute, but Reid was kind of.. quiet while around Kristopher. Do you think he's scared he'll scare him away with that big brain of his?" Emily asked, chuckling. 

"Or Kristopher makes him feel like he shouldn't be talking. He didn't even let the kid say goodbye to us at the bar." Derek growled out, his tone catching Emily off guard. 

"Well Reid didn't want to go in the first place, plus he was super tired, I think he honestly just wanted to be at home. Kristopher seemed nice, sophisticated." Emily replied, analyzing Derek's reaction as she spoke. 

"How many Serial Killers seemed nice and sophisticated?" Derek questioned. 

"Morgan, I think you're panicking over nothing. They were at a table full of profilers, if Kristopher was mistreating Reid, we would have caught on to something." Emily said.

"Not necessarily! Reid was using dilaudid literally right under our noses and we didnt have a clue! You know it's harder to profile when you're too close to the people involved." Derek said, his voice becoming angry. 

"We aren't close to Kristopher, Morgan!" Emily replied, exasperated. 

"We are close to Reid, making it difficult to profile the dynamics of his relationship! Something was off, Prentiss. We'd all had a little to drink by the time they arrived, we wouldn't have been able to properly analyze anything." Derek said, turning into the burger joint they were to eat lunch at. 

"Okay, okay, maybe so! If you really got that bad of a feeling from the guy, we'll arrange something to meet him again, this time without alcohol." Emily said, reading just how stressed Morgan was over all of this. 

"Good, and I want it to be something where we can really see how they interact, an environment where Reid wouldn't already be uncomfortable like he is at Bars." Derek said firmly, the car had been parked for a moment now. Emily nodded and they headed in for lunch. 

* * *

Spencer had managed a large portion of his paperwork during lunch, forcing him to focus on the words of the files versus the pain in his body. He registered the sound of Derek and Emily entering the bullpen, but he wasn't expecting Emily to ruffle his curls as she walked by, causing him to flinch away. Emily stopped in her tracks at the obvious reaction of fear and simply turned to look at Derek who looked as though he was seething with anger. They simply nodded at each other in agreement, Emily didn't like Kristopher anymore. 

"Hey pretty boy, you wanna hang after work?" Derek tried to keep Spencer from his apartment, away from _**him**_. Maybe he could talk to Spencer like they used to again, maybe he could get some answers regarding Kristopher.

"I uh, I can't. I have plans tonight, sorry, Morgan." Spencer said hesitantly, refocusing on his work, desperately trying to stay on track. 

"Alright, how about another time?" Derek pushed, making brief eye contact with Emily. 

"Sure, just uh let me know in advance." Spencer said, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

Morgan really wanted to hangout with him? He knew he shoukd be careful, he'd been fighting his feelings for his best friend since he'd started dating Kristopher. After what Kris said about Morgan over the weekend, Reid was mildly confused why Derek would even want to spend time with him, but he'd take what he could get. 

_'Oh baby, I meant to tell you, Morgan said some weird stuff on Friday. While you were in the bathroom he asked if I learned how to make you shut up with the endless ramblings. I told him I love those too much. The team all laughed with him, maybe they arent the best friends for you...'_

Reid shook the thought away, ever since Kristopher told him that, he was worried he'd annoy his team with useless facts, not that he was feeling well enough to talk anyway. Why did Derek have to say that? He could have lived happily not knowing how much he annoyed his best friend when he rambles, he'd already been insecure about it. Why would Morgan say it to his boyfriend? None of it made sense, maybe Morgan was hoping it would get back to Reid as a way to express his annoyance without having to say it.

Spencer worked on his paperwork, he was so focused he actualky finished earlier than he thought, it was almost 5pm at that point and he figured Kris would be happy if he got home around the same time as him. They usually wouldn't leave till 6 at the earliest, but Reid decided he'd ask Hotch if he could leave early, he'd blame it on a migraine or something. He slowly stood. Being mindful of his injuries, swung his messenger bag over his shoulder and trotted up to Hotchs office. He ignore the not-so subtle stares from Morgan and Prentiss. After a soft knock, he was welcomed inside. 

"Hello, Reid." Hotch said, looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Why did it feel like Hotch was analyzing him? 

"Hey, I uh- I was wondering if I could head home early. All my work is finished and I'm not feeling great." Spencer said, shifting his weight between his legs awkwardly.

"Sure, but Reid?" 

"Yes?" 

"Take care of yourself. Have a good night." Aaron said, returning to his work. 

Spencer nodded and headed out, why would Hotch say that? There was no way Hotch knew what happened, right? He decided thinning about it would probably be worse than letting it go and just heading home to Kris. Spencer swiftly made his leave, despite the eyes following his movements all the way to the glass doors to leave the bullpen. 

"The kids leaving?" Derek questioned, looking at Prentiss with his brows furrowed. 

"I guess.. He look like he was in pain to you?" Emily asked, worried. 

"Yes, he does. Damnit, shouldn't have let him leave." Derek sighed, rubbing his head. 

"This isn't on you. You don't think Kristopher hurt him, do you?" Emily asked. 

"I honestly don't know. I'd hope the kid would know better than to stay in that situation. He's an FBI agent, he wouldn't stay with someone like that, I simply wont believe he'd do that until I see proof." Derek said, staring at the doors his pretty boy exited through, leaving him. Leaving him to go home to _Kris_. He goes home to Kristopher every night, not Derek, when would that stop burning his chest? 

* * *

Spencer made his way into his apartment, he felt nerves bubble inside at what Kristopher had planned. After how sweet Kris was over the weekend, he would respect if he said no, wouldn't he? This wouldn't be an agony filled repeat of friday.

"Kris?" He called out into the quiet apartment. He heard footsteps from the kitchen before Kris appeared in the doorway before him. 

"Pen! You're so early, what a nice surprise." Kris exclaimed, a wide smile on his face. He rushed forward and passionately kissed Reid. He knocked him back into the door, causing Reid to break away and gasp from the pain that flared to life in his backside. 

"Ah! Still h-hurting Kris." Spencer said softly, placing a hand on his boyfriends chest to halt his actions.

"I know baby, you sound so good like that though, I haven't stopped thinking about it." Kris replied, mouthing across Reids neck and jaw. 

"A-about what?" Spencer asked. 

"Your screams.. your cries... you were such a good boy for me when you cried like that. Think you can do it again?" Kris asked, gently placing a kiss on Reids lips. Spencer stared at him shocked and afraid. 

"I-I... I can't do that again. It h-hurt too much. I'm sorry, Kris." Spencer said timidly, watching anger flash in Kristophers eyes. 

"I wont do that again, not for awhile, dont worry. I still want to have some fun with you, I want to hear those sounds again. Can you do that for me, Pen? Be good for me?" Kris asked, tracing Reids jaw with his fingers before kissing him again, this time more aggressive. He gripped Spencer's hips where the bruises were and squeezed. 

"Ah!" Spencer yelped from the unexpected pain. Kris shoved him back into the door again, savoring the grunt it pulled from the young man. Spencer whacked the back of his head on the door when he was shoved. He'd never sounded as amazingly sexy than when he was in pain, Kris decided. He wanted to spend the rest of his life pulling those sounds from Reid. He pulled away and smiled at how debauched and afraid his little Pen looked, god he wanted to keep him in this apartment and never let him go. 

"I want to try something new, okay baby?" Kris asked as he unbuckled his own belt, sliding it out of the loops and gripping it tight. 

"What?" Spencer asked, slightly dazed from hitting his head on the door. 

"Gonna strip you, then I want you laying on the bed, on your stomach, then I'll show you. It'll be good, so so good, okay baby?" Kris coaxed.

"Good?" Spencer asked, wobbling a little before Kris held him upright. 

"So good. Come on baby." 

Kris led Spencer into the bedroom and stripped hin with little struggle. He got him laying on his chest on the bed, completely naked and still dazed. He used Spencer's handcuffs to cuff Spencers wrists together around one of the wooden rods in their headboard. 

It was the familiar feeling of metal on his wrists that brought Spencer out of his daze. The first thought he had was Hankel. For a second, he swore he could smell the burning fish in his nose, but then he felt that he was laying down, on something soft too. He caught that scent of familiar detergent, he was in his apartment! In his bed! Naked and cuffed! Oh god how did this happen? Where was Kris? Where was Derek? Why did he want Derek? 

"Shh baby, stop struggling, you'll rub your wrists raw too early." Kris soothed in a deceivingly soft tone, running his hand up Spencer's bare back, feeling the vertebra in his spine. 

"Kris!? What's happening? I'm scared!" Spencer called out, though he suddenly felt it all rush back to him

Kris did this to him. He began sobbing. 

"You know I hate hurting you, but I have to do this, Pen. I need it." Kris said. 

He didn't get a warning for the leather belt that landed across his back with a sickening crack, causing a bright red welt to form almost immediately. He didn't get warnings for the many that followed afterwards, he could feel his skin splitting open from the lashes he was receiving. He knew what Kris wanted and he gave it to him since the very first crack of the belt against his skin. 

He screamed, he cried, he begged for it to end. Kris was pleased with the sounds until Spencer begged for the one thing he never should have. 

"Stop! Please! IT HURTS! AHN! DEREK HELP ME PLEASE!" 

"...What the fuck did you just say?" Kris growled.

* * *

9pm arrived quickly. Derek hated himself for letting Reid be the main thought on his mind for the past 4 hours, even after he got home. 

He blamed Kris, the thoughts hadn't become since a constant till he's met that guy, he was bad news. Reid had been with him for like 6 months though, why would this guy all of a sudden be awful for Reid. 

He knew he needed to stop obsessing, but he couldn't help this feeling in his heart nagging him. He almost wanted to charge over to Reids apartment and take him away. That wasnt normal, something had to be wrong. His heart would ache all night if he didn't at least call Reid. 

The phone rang and rang and rang before it was abruptly cut off and went to the voicemail. That's... odd. Did Reid hangup on him? No, he wouldn't... Could Kristopher have hung it up? That's actually a terrifying thought. He tried Reids contact again, except this time it went straight to voicemail, the phone had definitely been shut off. That wasnt good, he simply couldn't care about anything except Reids safety, he needed to get to his apartment. 

* * *

"Why did I do that, Slut?" Kris growled out.

"B-because..I-I- I was b-bad." Spencer stuttered out around his sobs and labored breaths. He felt woozy, like he was going to pass out. The past 4 hours had been a blur of agony.

Reid had accidentally called out for Derek once more during his punishment, though he hadn't even known he'd done it. Kris was furious, he'd taken out ever form of frustration he could on Reid. 

His back was covered in open, bleeding gashes from the belt, his chest and stomach had deep severe bruising from the repeated smashing of Kristophers fists. He was sure he had multiple bruised ribs, if not fractured. His wrists were bruised and the cuffs had cut into them from his struggles, making them bloody and raw. He had blood streaking his rear and thighs from the brutal pace Kris took up when he used Reids beaten body for his pleasure.

Kris had seemed to have slipped into a trance during the assault, he would get painfully hard from Spencer's cries, jerk himself off or force himself in Reids mouth or ass, then continue.

Spencer was sure he would die, he would be killed by the man he'd trusted and been sharing an apartment with. His body was going to be found beaten and bloody, on display like some sick show. He'd never see Derek again, god how he wanted to hear his soothing deep voice. He let himself think of the love of his life in what he was sure were his last minutes. He was quickly pulled out of his mind by the sound of his phone ringing. 

"Well well, looks like your side man is calling. No need to talk with him, is there?" Kris snickered, canceling the call and shutting the phone down, throwing it across the room.

Kris stared at his bloodied boyfriend and god was he beautiful. He wanted to continue, he felt like he needed to hear more of those gorgeous screams, but he also knew Reid wouldn't survive anymore. He decided he'd get medical supplies to patch up his boy, then once he had healed, he could have his fun again. He slipped a tie around Reids eyes as a makeshift blindfold and put noise canceling headphones on him. Spencer barely squirmed anymore, too tired and hurt to fight any longer. 

Kris bent down and placed a tender kiss to Reids head, smiling at the work he'd done. He'd officially marked Reid as his, no one would want him after that, he'd been sure to repeat that to Spencer during his fun. After stuffing Reids mouth with his own sock, he grabbed his keys and rushed out to get the needed supplies, maybe some coffee too. 

With that, Kris was gone, leaving Reid cuffed to the bed in agony. 

Reid wondered if this was hell. 


	4. Go Home To Kris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I- ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz dont hate me? Just kidding, you can hate me since you started this story and gave it another hit :) 
> 
> Peace and love,  
> -Nei♡

Derek tried calling Reids phone twice more as he drove to his appointment, both times it went straight to voicemail. Something was wrong, he could feel it, he hoped he was wrong, he hoped Spencer was fine. He hoped that he would get to his apartment, knock on the door and Spencer would open it looking confused, but completely fine. 

After breaking several traffic laws, Derek pulled into a parking spot and bolted up to Reids apartment, he had a spare key if needed, but he prayed he wouldn't have to use it. He knocked on Reids door, but got no response. 

"Agent Morgan..?" He heard that familiar voice from behind him and turned around to see Kris standing in the hallway behind him. 

"Kristopher. I'm here to see Reid." Derek said firmly, glaring at the man. 

"Oh of course, but he's not home, he went out a little while ago." Kris replied with a nice smile, too nice of a smile.

"His phone was shut off, he never does that. Where did he go?" Derek raised his voice. 

"He said he was taking a walk, I'm sure he just wanted some peace and quiet, he may be out awhile though. I'll be sure to let him know you stopped by." Kris said, walking towards his door, unlocking and opening it. 

"Can I come inside?" Derek asked suddenly. 

"Sure, it's quite a mess though." Kris laughed, opening the door wide for Derek. He certainly didn't seem to be hiding anything. 

Derek took a few steps inside the quiet apartment, he hadn't been here in so long, it had changed in many small ways. Less of Reids books, more of Kristophers junk. Derek would never make Reid get rid of his books or store them somewhere else, he'd build the genius his own library in their shared home. He briefly smiled at the idea of showing Spencer a giant room with custom shelves for all his special edition books, the kid would be ecstatic. He glanced around the apartment, seeing no sign of Reid, that was until he saw his messenger bag on the floor, outside the bedroom. 

"He left without his messenger bag?" Derek asked, curiously. 

"Yeah, I thought that was weird! That thing is usually glued to him. Look, I'm sure Pen would be glad to see you, but I actually have some cleaning to do, would you mind coming another time?" Kristopher asked.

Nothing about his tone or body language seemed nervous, maybe Derek's terrible hunch was wrong. He decided he'd wait in his truck for Spencer to return to his apartment. 

"Sure thing, man. Tell him to call me when you see him." Derek said with a nod. 

Derek left, going to sit in his truck outside the complex, surely Reid would return soon? 

With the large dark skinned agent finally gone, Kris could use the supplies he'd bought to tend to Reid. He was relieved Morgan hadn't asked about the bags he had, that was a close one. He was even happier he'd gotten the supplies from the store right across the street despite not having everything he wanted. He made his way to the bedroom. 

He slowly removed the headphones from Reid before pulling the sock from his mouth and untying the makeshift blindfold. Spencer's breath hitched in his chest at the contact. 

"Hey baby... I'm back with supplies to get you clean and all patched up. Just relax, I'll take care of you, my good little Pen." Kris cooed, kissing Reids head. 

Kris wiped away the blood, savoring the small whines of pain Reid released as he did so. After cleaning and uncuffing the genius, he knew what had to be done. He picked up Reids phone from the floor and turned it on, next he forced Reid to sit up, despite his whimpered protests. 

"Okay baby, I'll properly patch you up after you do this for me. I need you to call Morgan and tell him you went for a walk for some peace and quiet and you're sorry you missed his call, alright?" Kris asked, tucking Reids hair behind his ear. Spencer nodded. 

Kris tapped Morgans contact and put it on speaker. After one ring, that beautifully deep and soothing voice came through the phone. 

"Reid- Spencer! Hey." Derek said, he sounded oddly eager. 

"H-hey. Sorry I missed your call, I went for a walk for p-peace and quiet." Spencer said, repeating the instructed words. 

"Oh, you're fine, kid. You feeling okay?" 

"Yeah, just chilly. I-I have to go Morgan, I want to get home to Kris. See you later." Spencer said when he received a dark angry glare from Kris. 

"Alright, Reid. See you later." Derek replied, but Spencer swore he could hear sadness in his friends voice before the line went dead

Was Morgan okay? He'd avoided his best friend since Friday, but what if he was struggling with something? Reid had been selfish, worrying about his issues that he caused himself. 

  
Well, knowing Reid was alive and apparently okay, Derek drove home before embarrassing himself further. Kristopher would probably tell Reid about his little visit, that sucks. He decided he wouldn't be able to look Spencer in the eyes again, not for awhile, he was sure it wouldn't matter anyway. He came to the conclusion that maybe Kris wasn't as terrible as he thought, maybe Reid just didn't want much to do with his friends now that he had a perfect boyfriend. That was selfish, Derek couldn't stop himself from becoming angry with Reid. 

The genius had completely shut him and everyone else out, Kristopher didn't seem as awful as Derek assumed. Spencer was probably happy, so why would he need Derek anymore? His heart ached, it _throbbed_ with the pain of knowing his love was with someone else. He needed distance, that's what he needed. If he kept away from Reid, maybe he could move past this and be happy for the kid. He nodded his head in full agreement with his thoughts. **Distance**. If Reid didn't need him, he didn't need Reid.

* * *

Tuesday morning, finally! Derek had managed to sleep after deciding he needed space from Spencer. He strolled into the bullpen, purposely putting a bit more pep in his step, though he stopped when once again, Reids desk was empty. Derek was 3 minutes late to work, which meant Spencer was officially late, he was never really late to work. He jogged up to Hotchs office for a possible answer. The door was open so he knocked on the side of the wall as he popped in, getting Aaron's attention.

"Hey Hotch, have you seen Reid? He's not at his desk." Derek said, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

"Yes, I did. He called this morning and asked to use some personal days, he actually had some that were about to expire. He's off the rest of this week." Hotch answered, his tone was emotionless. 

"Did he say why?" Derek prodded. 

"No, just that he had some personal business to take care. He'll still be on call if we have a case this week." Aaron replied, returning to his work as such.

Well, he supposed that was an opportunity for distance, he wouldn't see the kid again till monday unless they had a case, that was good. He fought the very large part of himself telling him to call Reid, to ask what was wrong, to make sure his mom was okay. Maybe Kristopher had something going on and Reid was helping _him_. He wondered if he'd have to hear about an engagement announcement, that would probably kill him. **No**! No!! That wouldn't kill him, he didn't need Reid to be happy... _yes_ he did, it _destroyed_ him to not be with the loveable genius. He mentally shook himself and decided he'd use the week to get Spencer out of his head. 

* * *

Monday came fast, very fast. Spencer had spent the past 6 days recovering from _that_ night. He was eternally grateful that they didnt have a case yet, though they'd most likely have one today. Kris had been mostly nice since what happened, he'd helped treat Spencer's wounds and changed the bandages on his back and wrists. He'd kissed away Spencer's tears and held him while he felt the cravings for dilaudid make his skin itch. He'd even bathed Spencer, applied ointments, cooked him food, the list goes on. 

Spencer was still in a tremendous amount of pain as he stepped into the elevator to head up to work. He wanted to go back home and curl up in bed while Kristopher reads to him, stroking his hair as he does. He smiled at the memory, refusing to think about the few hiccups they'd had. The times Kris used his mouth since everything else was too hurt- **No** , cant think about that! Kris loved him, he told him all the time. No one else could love him like Kris does. He was Kristophers ' _good little Pen_ ' and that was enough for him. 

With the ding of the elevator, Spencer stepped off and headed into the bullpen, he was almost late for work, having had to change bandages before leaving and moving so slow. He stopped wearing bandages on his wrists and instead made sure to have his sleeve cuffs all the way down and buttoned to hide the healing bruises and gashes from the- _his_ handcuffs. He hated that his own handcuffs were used to hurt him, almost kill him. He was alive, Kristopher didn't let him die, he had made sure he started healing nicely because _he loved him_. 

Withing his first few steps into the bullpen, he heard a loud squeal.

"Oh baby genius!" 

Ah, it was Garcia, rushing towards him with JJ following behind at a much more typical pace. 

"Hey, Garcia." Reid replied. 

"Hey Spence! Glad to see you back! Doing okay, need to talk?" JJ asked, eyeing him worriedly.

"I'm fine, really. I had some things to take care of, but I'm back and ready to work." Spencer said, forcing a smile. 

"Well we sure missed you, 187! Next time give a mama bear a warning!" Garcia said, pulling Reid into an unexpected hug. Reid couldn't help but wince as pain exploded across his wounded back and bruised chest, stomach, and ribs from the pressure, dear lord he **needed** to get away. Garcia pulled away when she felt how stiff her boy wonder was. 

"What's wrong?" Garcia asked, looking into Reids pained eyes. 

"Nothing, just tired, I'm going to make some coffee and get to work." He said quickly, turning around and heading to the kitchen.

Once he stepped inside he released a heavy breath. While he was standing still, he found himself unable to resume any form of physical movement as he tried to breathe through the pain still searing on his back.

"Oh! ... Hey, Kid." Derek said, obviously surprised to see Reid, did he look sad too? 

Derek walked past Reid and in the process, he slapped him on the back, not too hard, but just hard enough, as a way of saying hi, like usual. He stopped stunned when Reid released a muffled groan of pain and caught himself on the counter to stop himself from collapsing. 

"Whoa Kid, what hurts!?" Derek asked slightly panicked. 

"N-n-nothing! It's okay! I'm okay.." Reid said, slowly releasing his grip on the counter and focusing his breaths. 

"Obviously something hurts, what's wrong, Reid? Talk to me!" Derek pleaded.

Derek had planned on keeping distance from the young man, but hearing and seeing him in pain made him forget all of that for the moment. 

"I fell down while I was off work, hurt my back, it just hurt when you touched it, that's all." Spencer said, straightening himself out and beginning to make his coffee. 

"Sure you're okay? Can I see it?" Derek asked.

"I'm fine, Kris made sure it was taken care of. I'd rather not show it off, thanks." Spencer said, pouring copious amounts of sugar in his coffee.

Derek clenched his jaw, so _Kris_ can see his injury, but heaven forbid he let him see it. Not that he wanted to see it, why did he care anyway? Derek felt anger boil inside himself and all of it was directed towards Reid.

"Alright, Kid. Whatever you say." Derek mumbled before leaving without any coffee. 

Spencer watched Derek leave, he felt like a piece of his heart was torn out. Derek didn't seem like he wanted much to do with him and he felt like a black hole had swallowed his heart. He knew he shouldn't care so much, but he did. He needed Derek to be okay, he couldn't talk to him about what was happening, but he still needed him, god how he needed him. He knew he needed help, the pain in his entire body was testament to that, but how was he supposed to get any when even his best friend wanted nothing to with him anymore?

Surprisingly, they werent assigned a case which meant Reid would be returning home to Kristopher. He had almost been hoping for a case, he was scared this monday would be the same as the last. He tried not think about how scared he was when he was left cuffed to the bed, blindfolded, gagged, **broken**.

He headed home like the rest, making small talk with the girls in the elevator as Derek seemed completely uninterested. He wanted to talk to Morgan, hell he wanted to be held by Morgan. He wanted to finally break down and let himself just feel all the pain that boiled inside his heart. He wanted to fall apart while Derek held him, soothed him. He just wanted to be loved by someone that wouldn't hurt him too. Was he so pathetic that he could only be with someone that used his body as an object, who only got pleasure anymore if it was from his pain?

As they were all parting to their cars, Spencer couldn't take it anymore.

"Morgan-" He started, though he found he didn't have the words to say. He thought about just screaming _**I need help**_ , but he couldn't bring himself to do so. 

"Yeah, Kid?" Derek turned to him, confused. 

"I- Did I do something wrong?" Spencer asked timidly, he couldn't help but take a step back.

"No, you didn't. Get home to Kristopher, Reid." Derek said coldly, turning and walking to his truck.

Spencer managed to get inside his car before breaking down. He wondered if Derek knew just how much those words hurt. He had no choice but to go back to Kris now. Kristopher was all he had left.

He dried his tears and took off to his apartment, praying Kris was in a good mood.

  
He was not...

_"Kris please, I'm sorry, I'll clean it!"_

_"Too late for sorry, Spencer. All you had to do was be my good little Pen. On your knees or I'm using the belt!"_

_"No! Nonono please! I'm sorry please please Kris! Don't hurt me, not again!"_

_"I'll make last monday feel like heaven, slut."_


	5. Pain

Waking up. _Pain_. Getting ready for work. _Pain_. Walking to his car. _Pain_. Driving to work. _God why does even that cause pain?_ Walking into the building. _So much pain._ Entering the elevator. _Please make this pain stop._ Stepping off onto the floor, entering the bullpen. _Somebody help me_. Getting coffee. _My arms hurt to lift._ Sitting down at his desk. _This is agony._

Everyone else began filing into the bullpen, JJ making her way to Hotch's office with files in hand. That means a case. Thank god. 

Derek made his way to his desk, but didn't get settled, preparing for them to meet soon anyway. Spencer couldn't help but glance at Derek who was focused on everything except him. _Please look at me. Please help me._ Derek did not look at him, he didn't even acknowledge him. _I'm right here, please just say hi._ Derek said nothing. Hotch announced to meet at the round table, they had a case. 

Spencer stood and made his way to the room with everyone else. _Why does every step have to feel like fire in my blood, in my muscles?_

"We have 3 victims, all females, all brunettes with blue eyes, all in their 20's. They were all living low-risk lifestyles, and all went missing while on a run, according to those who saw them last." Garcia began. 

She continued speaking, Spencer knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to listen. Instead, he analyzed the file and read it all for himself, desperately trying not hunch over and scream in emotional and physical agony. He only looked up to glance at Morgan when he spoke, theorizing with other members of the team. Derek never looked at him, not even a glance. 

_What did I do? Please look at me. Please talk to me. Everything hurts and I need you. I need you, but you don't need me, do you? I can't do this without you._

Spencer didn't realize he'd been staring at Derek, stuck in his head for an awkward amount of time and everybody noticed, even Derek was staring at him confused now. 

"Reid?" Rossi questioned. 

"Spence?" JJ tried when Spencer continued to stare at Derek with glazed over eyes. 

"Kid..?" Derek finally said, starting to get freaked out by the empty eyes looking into his. 

"Uh.. Sorry, was just thinking." Spencer finally mumbled, that glaze slowly disappearing from his eyes as he snapped his head back to his file.

"Well I hope everyone has things in order, wheels up in 20." Hotch spoke, standing up, everyone else followed the movement. 

Spencer followed Derek out to their desks, grabbing his stuff and following everyone to the elevator. 

_Hurts. Hurts. Hurts. God everything hurts._

"You okay, Reid?" Rossi questioned. everyone else in the elevator was quiet as they awaited a reply from the young man. 

"Yes. I'm fine." Spencer replied, probably too fast.

_I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this without Derek._

"Hey M-Morgan, can you give me a ride to the jet?" Spencer asked hesitantly, trying to keep his voice steady. 

"Uh, sure Reid. Did you not bring your car?" Derek asked, it was evident he was uncomfortable.

"I-I did. I feel better leaving it here." Reid responded, Derek's tone made him want to back down, stay out of Derek's way. 

"Alright, come on." Derek said as the elevator dinged, making long and fast strides to his truck. Spencer desperately tried to keep up without whimpering in pain. 

"C'mon, hurry up, we gotta go." Derek called to him, hopping in his truck and starting it.

Spencer rushed to the truck despite his body's very loud and painful protest. He slid into the passenger seat with a wince. 

After several minutes of silence, Derek released a heavy sigh, making Spencer flinch.

_I need to know how I fucked up. What did I do wrong? Why do you hate me now? I'm sorry._

"Morgan... I don't know what I did. I'm sorry though." Spencer suddenly said into the silence that had been hanging in the tense air of the truck. 

"You didn't do anything, Reid." Morgan's voice held an edge to it that made Spencer want to back down, but he couldn't.

"I don't understand." Spencer said.

That caught Derek's attention. It wasnt the words that did it, it was the way Spencer sounded as he said them. The words were pained, sad, defeated. Spencer completely deflated and crossed his arms over his stomach. He had sounded so vulnerable and so hurt, it made all of Derek's heartbreak driven anger drain out of him. 

"Kid-" Derek started, but was quickly cut off. 

"Don't. If you're not going to tell me how to fix it, don't say anything. I am sorry." Spencer said, his voice sounded like it was forcing itself out of him, his throat was tight. 

"It's all on me, Reid, not you. You have nothing to apologize for.." Derek said, watching Spencer close his eyes and lean his head back. His face looked pained, but it honestly looked like he was in physical pain more than emotional. 

"A-Are we okay?" Spencer asked timidly. 

"Yes, we are okay." Derek answered.

"Good. Thank you." Spencer barely whispered the last two words, he didn't think Derek heard him. 

He had, he heard him and he smiled. 

Next thing he knew, they arrived and it was time to get in the jet. All he had to do was hop out of the truck and make his way into the jet and settle down without wincing. 

Unbuckling _. Not terrible yet._ Stepping out _. Okay pain is back._ Climbing the steps into the jet. _Pain, oh God pain, don't show it, be good._ Settling on to the couch opposite of Derek. _Don't stare at him, don't stare at him.._

They all discussed the case on the jet, bouncing ideas and theories off one another. The conversation seemed oddly empty though, the lack of random facts or statistics really made a difference. 

"Reid, what's the population of Hialeah, Florida?" Hotch asked. 

"212,228." Reid replied, stating nothing else. 

The team let silence hang for a moment before continuing. After not long, everyone stopped and noticed that Reid was asleep. He'd never fallen asleep on the jet when on the way to a case.

"Is he okay?" Emily asked in a hushed tone. 

"We'll find out with time. For now, we'll let him sleep, but let's not get distracted." Hotch said, resuming attention to the case. 

Not long before they were meant to land, Spencer started mumbling in his sleep, nothing the team could make out, but his face became one of pain. Derek couldnt take it, every part of him was screaming to grab Reid and never let him go. 

"Hey, Kid, wake up, it's just a nightmare." Derek called out, gently grasping Reids arm.

Spencer jolted awake with wide eyes and panicked breaths. He quickly scanned the area and found his team, not Kris. 

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." Spencer said, slightly confused. 

"It's alright, Reid. Don't make a habit of it." Aaron said, though his voice was soft. 

"I won't." Reid replied.

They arrived in Hialeah and all split off into the designated groups, JJ with Hotch, Emily with Rossi, and Reid with Morgan.

Carefully getting seated in passenger side of the SUV, Reid released a heavy breath as aches ran through his body. 

_How long can I do this for? How long until he kills me? How long until my team learns just how pathetic I am? How long until they learn that I'm incapable of leaving someone who hurts me because no one else could love me?_

"-eid.. Reid!!" Spencer was forced out of his thoughts by Derek's deep concerned voice. 

"Uh yeah? Sorry." Spencer said, avoiding Derek's observing eyes.

"What's going on with you, Kid? You keep spacing out, you fell asleep on the jet and then had a nightmare.. Talk to me." Derek pleaded, glancing between Reid and the road.

"Its nothing, just tired I guess." Spencer said, stretching out in his seat and wincing at the fire searing his insides. 

"You having a headache, kid?" Derek asked, noticing the way Spencer's face contorted in pain. 

"Wha- oh uh yeah. Just a headache, it's fine." Spencer replied.

"Okay so not a headache..." Derek said to himself though he made sure Spencer could hear.

"What?" Spencer asked with wide eyes. 

"You rarely admit when you have a headache. This time you did, then you reinforced it, so clearly you're using it as a cover." Derek stated. 

"Just leave it, Derek, it's just a headache." 

"You just did it again. I'll find out what's wrong, Reid." 

"I'm a grown man, I'm an FBI agent! I can take care of myself." Spencer said defensively. He began shifting uncomfortably, trying to find at least a slightly less painful position to sit in. 

"If we hadn't just arrived at the crime scene, I'd keep pressing. When this case is over, let's get dinner." Morgan said, now looking away from Spencer.

"Dinner?" Spencer eyed him closely. 

"Yes. We haven't in awhile and I want to talk with you. I miss you, Kid." Derek explained. 

"Alright. Dinner." Spencer said with a smile. 

"Case first." Derek chuckled. 

"Then dinner." Spencer replied with an equally light hearted chuckle. 

_As long as I have this, I can survive._

* * *

The case wasn't nearly as long as expected, they were in Florida for almost 5 days, it ended off with an arrest, but they were too late to save the last victim. Endings like that were always tough, everyone was really feeling it.

Spencer's body had started healing from the injuries left from Monday. It was late Saturday night when they got back to Quantico to finish up some reports before heading home. 

"Hey kid, come on, I'll take you home." Derek said, putting on his leather jacket as Reid swung his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

"I have to drive my car back, but Dinner?" Reid asked nervously. 

"I thought you'd want to get home to Kris." Derek replied, noting how tense Spencer got at the mention. 

"I'll see him after." Spencer said.

Derek wondered if there had been a hiccup in Spencer's relationship, he couldn't help but smile at the idea, though he immediately felt guilt wipe it off his face. He just wanted Reid to be happy... with him, not Kristopher. No, he just wanted him to be happy, that was more important than anything to him. 

"Okay then, dinner it is. You up for pizza? I know a place open late." Derek said. 

"That sounds great. I'll follow you." Spencer replied. 

  
_At least with him, theres no pain._

* * *

"Pepperoni alright?" Derek asked as they sat in the booth. 

"That's perfect." Spencer said looking slightly dazed. 

"You alright, Reid?" 

"I'm great." Spencer smiled. 

"I'll get some garlic bread too, you could use the calories, dont think I've not noticed the weight loss." Derek said, quickly placing the order when the waitress arrived.

"So, why did you take that week off work?" Derek asked, leaning forward and resting his hands on the table, folded together. 

"I had some personal stuff to deal with, it's alright though." Spencer replied, looking at Derek's shoulder rather than his eyes. 

"So that's how this is gonna go? I'll ask questions and you'll avoid them? Poorly I might add." Derek flashed a smile.

"I just don't see the point in talking about something in the past now." Reid said. 

"Yes you do! Our job reminds us everyday why it's important to talk about things and not bottle it up." 

"I'm not going to become a serial killer because I took a week off work." 

"Depends on why you took a week off work." 

"It was personal, Derek." 

"When did I stop being a part of your personal life?" 

"You didn't." 

"Was it your mom? Is she okay?" 

"She's doing fine, it wasn't about her." 

"Was it Kristopher?"

"Wha- N-no. Drop it, now. Please Derek, can you please let me just have this?"

"Have what?" 

"Dinner with my best friend. Let me be happy right now." Spencer pleaded. 

"Alright kid, if I'm what's making you happy right now" Derek joked with a teasing smile, though Spencer's response caught him off guard. 

"You are." Reid said completely serious and honestly. 

Before anymore words could be said, the garlic bread arrived. 

"Alright pretty boy, try it and tell me what you think. This place has the best garlic bread." 

Spencer grabbed a slice and took a small bite. He noticed the way Derek was watching him for a reaction, obviously hoping for some dramatic exclamation of love for the garlic bread. Spencer released a long dramatic moan and rolled his eyes back as a joke. Derek stared at him wide eyed and his mouth slightly open for a second before releasing a loud forced laugh. 

_Oh god does he realize how hot that sounded? I know he was joking, but dear lord this genius will be the death of me. I wonder if he sounds like that in bed? Would he moan low and long like that or would his voice get high and needy? Shit I'm going to get hard if I keep thinking about this._

Derek forced his brain to turn off, sighing into the garlic bread as well, making small talk with Reid as they ate. When the pizza was brought to their table, Derek took several slices and piled them onto his plate, Spencer took one. 

"One slice? You didn't even finish that single piece of garlic bread." Derek pointed out. 

"I'm not that hungry." 

"You barely ate during the case. You're already ridiculously skinny, you'll get unhealthy." 

"I could lose a few pounds." Spencer said. 

"What? I actually think you could use a few extra." Derek responded, his voice curious. 

Spencer laughed anxiously and forced himself to eat a second slice to avoid talking about it further. They finished their meal along with jokes and small talk, nothing too serious. Spencer hesitantly stood to leave, heading to his own car to go back to his apartment, to Kris. 

"See you on Monday." Spencer said before making his way to his car door as Derek did the same. 

Derek couldn't help but think that Spencer sounded sad.. or even scared? 

"Yeah, see you Monday. Uh, say hi to Kristopher for me." Derek said with a nod and getting in his truck. 

Spencer got inside his own car and waited till Derek pulled away to let his tears fall. 

_I need to call Kris, I'll tell him we just landed. It's okay. He said he missed me and wanted to help me relax when we spoke earlier on the phone. That's good, right?_

Spencer headed to his apartment he shares with his boyfriend. 

* * *

Derek found himself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, his mind stuck on Spencer. He couldn't help the sound of his moan echoing in his head. He couldn't help thinking about those diamond shaped pink lips. He was alone in his house, there was no reason to cut off his thoughts. He found himself very hard very quickly. He slipped his hand inside his boxers and began quickly stroking himself to the thought of Reid. 

_He'd lay underneath me so beautifully, so smooth, so delicate. It would be his tight heat wrapped around me instead of my hand. God, he'd sound so beautiful, maybe he'd beg for more. Would he be vocal in bed? He'd be flushed a beautiful red from his cheeks all the way down his chest. He'd release high picthed whimpers as I move inside him, bringing him so close. He'd cling to me so perfectly, trusting me to take such good care of him. God I want to mark him, I want to leave evidence of me all over that long neck of his._

With that, Derek's back was arching as he came over his hand. 

* * *

Spencer hesitantly walked into the quiet apartment, listening for Kris. He made his way into the living room when he saw him, sitting on the couch. 

"Come here." Kris said. His voice held an edge to it. 

Spencer sat next to Kris, scanning him to get a read on his mood.

"You lied to me, Pen." Kris spoke softly.

"What?" Spencer asked shocked.

"I called that tech girl, Garcia. I wanted to see when you guys would land, turns out that was hours ago. Where were you?" Kris was clearly angry. 

"I-I got some food with one of the team members, it was a long case.. I'm sorry I should have told you." Spencer said, grabbing Kristophers hand and kissing it to say sorry. 

"I hope you don't think that's all you'll be doing to apologize. I've not touched you in 5 days. I need you, Pen. Who were you eating with?" Kris asked, gripping Spencer's hand tighter.

"Morgan." Spencer whispered, fear leaking into his voice. 

"Bad boy, I told you I dont like him. What I'm about to do is because of Derek, understand?" 

"Yes." 

"Say it."

"What?" 

"SAY THAT ITS BECAUSE OF DEREK!" 

"It's because of Derek." 

"And you deserve this." 

"I deserve this." 

"On your knees, if you make me cum fast enough, I wont use your ass." Kris ordered.

Spencer settled on his knees before Kristopher, taking him out of his pants and into his mouth. He felt a hand slide into his hair and grip it painfully tight, forcing him all the way down onto the hard member. He choked and pushed back, but was met with more force on his head. 

"Better suck it better than that." Kris snapped, thrusting his hips up into Reids tight throat.

He let Spencer pull up just so he could pay special attention to the head, sucking and licking enthusiastically, desperately trying to get him off. 

"God Pen, so good, you're doing so well, might make me cum too soon, ease up." Kris said, his voice filled with pleasure. 

Spencer did as he was told, using less suction as he sucked at Kris. After several moments, Kris forcefully pulled his head up and off his hard and leaking member. 

"Times up, strip and get in my lap, baby." Kris ordered. 

"But you said-" Spencer was interrupted by a sharp slap across the face, making him cry out. He stood on bambi legs and quickly stripped at the dark look Kristopher was giving him. With his still injured body, Reid climbed onto Kristophers lap. His hard member slid between Spencers ass cheeks, making him wince.

"You're going to ride me, Pen." Kris said, gripping Spencer's waist. 

"B-but.. lube Kris, please. Still sore.." Spencer whined, letting his head fall to Kristophers shoulder. 

"Shh, it's okay baby, just go slow, we both know you don't need lube anymore." Kris said, stroking over the gashes in Spencer's back, making him shiver. 

"Get to it before I have to take you, and I wont be slow, you know that baby." Kris said coldly.

Spencer slowly lifted himself up and Kris grabbed his own member, holding it still as Reid began to sink down onto him. 

"Aughh! I-it hurts K-ris!" Spencer whined out, trying to lift back up but Kristophers grip kept him in place. 

"I know, keep going, you can relax once you're all the way down." Kristopher said, pulling Spencer into a kiss as he added pressure to his hips, pushing the genius down. 

Spencer cried into the kiss as he was forced down onto the hard cock.

"P-lease! I c-cant! Hurtsss!" Spencer cried out, breaking away from the kiss as Kristopher pushed him down harder. 

"Sit on it, slut! I don't have all day!" Kris snapped, forcing Spencer all the way down. 

Reid screamed out in agony as he felt something tear inside himself, a warm trickle of liquid running down his thigh shortly after. 

"You deserves this. Say it, Pen. Be my good little Pen and say it." 

"I deserve this." 

"I'm the only one who could love you. REPEAT MY WORDS!" Kris yelled, lifting Spencer and thrusting up into him, making the boy double over onto him in pain. 

"Y-you're the o-only one who could love me." 

"You're pathetic."

"I'm pathetic." 

"Good boy, get me off and I'll take care of you, my sweet Pen." Kris said, kissing along Spencer's neck as he urged the damaged genius to raise and drop himself onto Kris. 

He closed his eyes and forced himself to go elsewhere and imagine the pain wasn't real. After what felt like an eternity, he felt Kristopher slam up into him with force and ejaculate inside of him. He shoved Spencer's limp and tired body on the sofa, off of himself.

"You did so good, Pen, such a good boy. I'll clean you up after I make you feel good."

Spencer released a pitiful whine as Kris grabbed his limp penis and stroked him into hardness. He jerked Spencer off after plenty of coaxing and gentle kisses, making the young profiler forget the pain still burning in his rear. 

"You're my good boy. Say it, baby." Kris urged, kissing Spencer's forehead. 

"I'm you're good boy..." Spence repeated.

Kris left to get supplies to clean the blood and semen from Reids injured and exhausted body. 

Spencer let his tears fall. 

_He's the only one who could love me._

_I deserve this._


	6. 31 days to 3 Months

31 days. It had been 31 days since Reid had gotten pizza with Derek. After that night, Spencer distanced from Derek and he simply didnt understand. He'd tried to spend more time with Spencer but was always met with excuses. He'd decided he'd use this weekend to restore one of his properties, get Reid off his mind since the kid had just dodged another attempt to hangout.

* * *

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Kris screamed.

"I'm leaving." Spencer said calmly, repacking his go back. 

"No! You're staying here, you're not going anywhere!" Kris grabbed Reids wrist and made him face him. 

"Let me go! I can't do this anymore Kris!" 

"You're not leaving me! Put that shit away right now before I make you regret it!" 

"No! I'M LEAVING KRIS!" 

"You've just earned yourself a real bad punishment, Pen!" 

"No! No no no! LET ME GO! LET ME GO KRIS! LET ME GOOO!!" 

"STOP FIGHTING OR I'LL JUST CUT THEM OFF!" 

"NO! I'M NOT LETTING YOU DO THIS! NOT AGAIN! AGH! GET OFF ME!" 

"STAY STILL OR IT'LL HURT MORE!" 

"AAGHH! STOP STOP PLEASE STOP!" 

"SAY YOU'RE SORRY AND MAYBE I'LL ADD SPIT!" 

"NO! IM FUCKING LEAVING! AAGH GOD STOP PLEASE IT HURTS! IM STILL HEALING TAKE IT OUT!" 

"NO! YOU'RE MINE TO USE, PEN! MINE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" 

"STOP! IT HURTS KRIS, PLEASE IM SORRY I WONT LEAVE!" 

"DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND!?" 

"YES KRIS! YES I UNDERSTAND IM SORRY! AH! GOD P-LEASE GENTLE OHH NO KRIS STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE! KRIS GENTLE PLEASE! KRIS! KRIS!? AGHH NO PLEASE N-NO MORE SOMETHINGS TEARING!" 

"I've torn you before, shut the fuck up! God you're so tight! Take it like a good boy, tell me you're sorry!" 

"I'M SORRY!"

* * *

2 months. It's been 2 months since Derek had pizza with Spencer. The kid was professional at work and during cases, but he had completely withdrawn from the team, pushing them all away. He would lash out when pushed too hard, the team began to wonder if he was using again. Derek knew he wasnt using, he knew exactly what it looked like when Spencer Reid was high or going through withdrawls. He'd tried so hard to reconnect with the genius, yet he got nowhere. He found himself at clubs trying to replace the brilliant Dr. Reid with a beautiful woman who could clear his heard, but it never worked. He wanted to understand what Reid was doing, why would he push them all away. Reid hadn't mentioned Kristopher in so long, the team started to talk about the chance that he pushed him away too. Derek found hope in that, not that it matteres since Reid never even let them have a personal conversation. 

Derek was going to spend yet another weekend distracting himself with one of his properties, he had reached Spencer's voicemail for the last time, he decided he'd simply stop calling. He couldn't continue to torture himself with that hellish recording that stabbed his heart everytime it came through the phone, telling him he wasn't good enough for Spencer. 

* * *

"Hey, Pen, come give me a kiss." 

"Mmm good boy. I know you're still healing and it hurts, want me to read to you?" 

"Yes, please." 

"Okay baby, I'll read you the hobbit till you fall asleep. What do you want me to touch while we read?" 

"My head." 

"Okay, come snuggle up my love... there you go, better?" 

"Better." 

"I'm sorry I was so rough last night when you got home from that case, I missed you." 

"I forgive you, Kris." 

"My good little Pen. I love you." 

"I love you too." 

* * *

3 months. No, that couldn't be right, was it? It had been 3 months since Derek got pizza with Spencer? His heart ached, it rattled with pain. He thought that after 3 months of zero contact except professional, he would have moved on by now. Nope. No amount of one night stands or properties to restore had cleared his head. 

The kid was distant from everyone, all of them felt like they had lost their friend, but why? Derek couldn't figure it out, he just needed to hear Reids voice outside of when they were working cases. What was the harm in calling one more time? Maybe the kid would actually pick up. 

He picked up the phone and selected Reids almost forgotten contact. It rang once, then it stopped and Derek heard shuffling. 

**"Hello?"** Came an aggravated voice, belonging to a man. 

Derek knew that voice, it clearly wasn't Spencer, but he wasn't sure where he had heard it before. 

"Hi, I'm calling for Reid." Derek replied. He heard more shuffling and muffled voices that he couldn't make out. 

**"He's unavailable."** The man said, sounding as though it was forced through a clenched jaw. 

Wait... is that Kristopher? Derek and the rest of the team assumed that Spencer and Kristopher had ended since Reid stopped bringing him up and got tense when he was mentioned.

"Kristopher?" Derek asked. There was silence before he heard whispers and more shuffling, what the hell was going on? 

" _Morgan_?" Came Spencer's voice. 

"Reid! Was that Kristopher?" Derek asked firmly. 

" _Uh.. yes_." Spencer replied, his voice sounded hesitant. 

This was his chance, his chance to find out what the hell was going on. 

"Well tell him sorry, but we have a case, I'm actually gonna swing by your apartment to pick you up." Derek said, hopping in his truck and starting it. 

" _Why didn't Hotch call me?_ " 

"He told me to, he had to talk with Anderson about something. I'll be there soon, be ready."

" _Uh okay.. I'll come down when I'm ready, you stay in the car, its uh.. a mess here, I haven't cleaned in awhile.._ " 

"Alright, Kid, see you soon." 

The line cut off. Derek arrived at Spencer's apartment and watched as the young man made his way to the truck in his usual work clothes. He opened the passenger side and carefully slid in. Derek took off to his own house without saying a word. 

"This isn't the way to work or the jet." Spencer said. 

"No, it's not."

"Morgan..?"

"We are going to my house and we are going to talk, privately." 

"What? We have a case!" 

"No, we don't."

"You _lied_ to me!?" 

"Yes, I think you knew it too." 

"...Take me home." 

"To Kris?" 

"Yes, to Kris! What is your problem!?" 

"My problem is that I've not had a real conversation with my best friend in 3 months. You've shut everyone out and I'm done with it! We are going to talk about this, Reid." Derek said, gripping the steering wheel. 

Spencer felt himself panic. What was he supposed to do- say? He couldn't tell Derek the truth, that wasn't an option anymore. He had to get back to Kris, he would be in so much trouble if he found out he wasn't on a case. Tears built in his eyes as he felt his heart beat rapidly in a wild panic. 

"Take me home. Please." Spencer choked out, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. 

Derek looked at him shocked, the kid looked so tired, so broken. What the hell is happening? He drive quicker until he was at his house, parking his truck and turning to stare at Spencer who still had his eyes closed. 

"Talk to me, Reid. Please talk to me." Derek pleaded.

"I need to go home." Spencer whispered, still refusing to open his eyes. 

"Damnit Spencer! Look at me!" Derek snapped, raising his voice in frustration. 

To his horror, Spencer violently flinched before looking at him, his eyes swirling with pain. How did I miss this? How did I miss how bad this was? Derek sighed and the frustration drained from his face.

"You're in pain, why?" Derek asked. 

"Don't do this. Please take me home." Spencer tried pleading again. 

"Come inside with me, just for a minute, please?" Derek's voice was tight. 

"Just for a minute." Spencer replied. 

They walked into the house together, Derek shutting the door behind them. He definitely did not intend to let Reid leave in just a minute. 

"Do you want some coffee?" Derek asked. 

"Uh.. Sure." Spencer replied, following him into the kitchen and sitting in one of the stools at the counter. 

"I've let it go for 3 months, but I can't anymore, you know that. You knew when you stepped in here that you wouldn't be leaving with whatever secret you've been carrying." Derek said. 

"I dont-" 

"Stop, Reid. Anything you say right now will be a lie. We are going to drink some coffee, you'll collect your thoughts, then we will discuss this." Derek said firmly, passing Spencer the filled mug and his jar of sugar.

The drank their coffee in silence. Spencer couldn't seem to calm his thoughts. He absolutely couldn't tell Derek the truth. Derek would never look at him the same if he knew the ways Kristopher had used him. Derek would never be able to look him in the eyes again and Reid was sure he couldn't survive that. He couldn't lose Morgan. He just couldn't. 

"Are you ready to talk?" Derek asked, leaning on the counter across from Reid. 

"Really Morgan, theres nothing." 

"Please don't sit here and lie to my face. Don't look me in my eye and lie to me, I think I deserve better than that, kid." 

"I know you do. I'm sorry." Spencer said, hanging his head and closing his eyes. 

_What am I supposed to do? God I just want to tell him. I want to cry. I want to break down while he holds me. I want the pain to stop. I want him to read to me while I heal, not Kris. I wouldn't need to heal if it was Derek. Kris takes such good care of me though. He loves me, he does so much for me. I don't have anyone else, no one could love me like he does. Derek would never love me like that._

"What's in that head of yours?" Derek asked gently.

"I can't tell you." Reid spoke softly. 

"Why not?" 

"I- I don't know..." 

"Can I ask you something?" Derek asked, reading his friends nervous posture. 

"Yes." 

"Kristopher answered your phone." 

"That's not a question." 

"You get tense when hes mentioned, so we all stopped, thinking you'd broken up. Clearly he's still living with you." 

"What's your question, Morgan?" Spencer asked, finally snapping his head up and meeting Derek's eyes. 

"Why do you get tense when hes mentioned?" Derek asked carefully. He watched the panic flash in Reids eyes. 

"I don't." 

"Yes, you do. Emily, JJ, and Garcia will all agree with me. Tell me why." 

"Stop Morgan, I need to leave.. I have to get back-"

"To Kristopher? You need to get back to him?" Derek asked angrily, not missing the way his tone caused Reid to flinch and go still.

"Why do you care?" Spencer snapped, his eyes wide. 

"I don't like him! I don't like you with him!" Derek yelled, finally feeling that door in his heart open, there was no going back now.

"Wha- you what?" Spencer was shocked. 

"I don't like him. I don't think he's treating you right." Derek said. 

"He loves me." Spencer replied, looking away

"Maybe so, but he's the reason you've closed off, I can tell." Derek said softly.

"Stop, please stop. I want you to take me home." 

"If you really want to go home, call Kristopher." 

"N-no..." 

"Why not?" Derek asked, standing and walking around the counter so he was directly beside Spencer. 

Spencer's heart was racing and he felt like his blood had turned to ice. He was quite literally cornered by Morgan and being asked about Kristopher. He felt like the walls were closing in on him and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't get out of this, his entire world was about to come crashing down. He couldn't do this, his entire body was throbbing and his head felt fuzzy. 

"Reid? Spencer..?" Derek called to his friend, feeling himself fill with worry. 

"Kid, come on... I will help you if you just talk to me." Derek pleaded, gripping his friends shoulders. Spencer immediately jerked and came back at the feeling of hands on him. 

He was hurting, he was scared, and he was so tired. He just wanted to collapse. 

"Spencer... let me help." 

"You have to promise me.." Spencer mumbled.

"Promise you what?" 

"That you won't hate me." 

"Never, I never could. I promise you Spencer, just please talk to me." Derek urged. 

"I-I cant say this..." 

"What do you mean?" 

Spencer slowly stood and broke from Derek's grip, stepping back from him. Derek made to step closer but Reid only backed up, making Derek stop and watch silently. 

"I-it didn't get this bad till that night we all went to the bar together and you met him.." Spencer said, slowly undoing his tie. 

"What didn't..?" Derek had an awful feeling in his gut as Spencer slowly stripped off his sweater vest and began to unbutton his shirt. 

Reid held his shirt closed for a moment as he took a deep breath, readying himself to lose everything he had. He let go of the shirt and slid it off his arms, revealing his battered and scarred torso. 

"Oh Spencer..." Derek gasped out as he analyzed the marks on _his_ pretty boy. 

His eyes raked over every single visible injury, healed and fresh. The network of bruising from his hips to his chest, focused on the ribs. Healed scars that looked like he'd been repeatedly slashed with a knife. Long marks that reminded him of cases where the victims had been whipped. His wrists had matching scars and bruises from cuffs digging into them. So many more injuries that Derek couldn't bring himself to focus on. 

Reid stood before him, shaking in fear and shame. His secret was out, his best friend and love of his life now knew just how pathetic he was. 

"I'm sorry.." Spencer choked out before he started sobbing and fell to his knees. 

Derek quickly kneeled beside him and pulled the crying genius into his lap, wrapping his arms around the battered boy. 

"No, don't apologize, not for this. Oh Spencer.. I'm so sorry... I should have known.. I'm so so sorry." Derek murmured, rocking the small man. 

He ran his hand up and down Reids back and felt his tears finally fall from his eyes as he traced welts on the boys back. 

"Why didn't you tell me? God, why Spencer?" Derek asked through his tears. 

He could hear and feel Spencer take a shaky breath and release another sob before speaking.

"I- I didn't want you to kn-ow" Reid choked out. 

"Okay, okay.. Shhh.. I need you to take a Deep breath for me.." Derek cooed, gently stroking Reids back. 

"O-kay" Spencer forced himself to take a deep breath and found it easier to control his sobs as they died down. 

The next 10 minutes were spent in silence besides Reids quiet cries that turned to sniffles and stuttered breaths.

"Y-you dont have to h-hold me.. I sh-should go home.." Spencer finally said, forcing the words through his tight throat.

"You are home, Spencer." Derek replied, squeezing him tighter. 

"What?" Reid asked, slowly looking up at Derek. 

"You aren't going back to him. We'll get the bastard arrested for assaulting a federal agent. You're going to stay with me, or another member of the team if you'd prefer." Derek said firmly. 

"I-I cant press charges.. everyone will know." Spencer said, his voice filled with horror.

"No one will think any different of you. We all want to help. Please Spencer, let us help, let me help." Derek said. 

Spencer shifted in Derek's lap and hugged him tighter. He clung to Derek like a lifeline, savoring the feeling of safety the large agent provided him. In that moment, he could let himself relax, he could let himself finally breakdown. He let his body go limp into Derek's, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in the mans neck. 

Derek stilled. _Oh no... oh no oh no... he's in my lap, right up against me, he is breathing on my neck.. oh god no this is not why I'm holding him! He needs comfort, he needs a friend, he needs safety... WHY WON'T MY BODY UNDERSTAND THIS?_

When he heard Reids breath hitch and his body go rigid, Derek held his breath. 

_Oh God he felt it. He can feel my hard on right now oh god oh god..._

"Derek..?" Spencer questioned.

"Yeah?" He replied with a strained voice.

"Wha- Why are you-?" Spencer stuttered out.

"I'm sorry- you got in my lap and I- I know its inappropriate but I've always had these feelings- well more than just these obviously... I uh God I'm screwing this up- I'm sorry Spencer I didn't mean to make you uncomfor-" Derek was cut off by the feeling of lips on his. 

Spencer had pressed his mouth to Derek's in an effort to calm him down, well that and he'd always imagined how it would feel. It didn't take long for Derek to take control of the kiss, placing his hand on the back of Spencer's head and moving his mouth against the youngers passionately. Spencer released a small mewl and the sound went straight to Derek's groin.

"God, Spencer..." Derek gasped, breaking away to look into the boys eyes. They were wide, so many emotions whirling around inside them. Fear, longing, love?

"Derek... You.. you want-" Spencer started. 

"You. I want you. I want to be the one you come home to, Reid. I won't hurt you, not like he has, I promise. I want to help you heal. I just want you." Derek said softly, staring into Reids eyes. 

"You... You do? You want.. me?" Spencer asked in disbelief. 

"Since I met you. It's been torture knowing you were with someone else. I wish I had done something sooner, before he.." Derek trailed off. 

"But I- I thought you...?" 

"Thought I what, pretty boy?" 

"Couldn't- well... I thought you found me.. annoying? Um I thought you were straight?" 

"I've never found you annoying... despite what my teasing might suggest. And I'm Bisexual, I just rarely find myself attracted to men, really it's just you." 

"So you..." 

"Love you. Yes, Spencer Reid, I love you."

"Wha- Oh uh- well- I... I love you too.." Spencer said, turning his face away from Derek. 

"Look at me." Derek said, though he was shocked when Reid immediately did as he was told. 

"You need to report him. I know its scary, but it's the only way to keep you and others safe." Derek said gently. 

"I- I don't know.. I tried to leave..." 

"When? What stopped you?" 

"2 months ago. He- he stopped me." 

"How?" Derek urged.

"No.. no no no Derek I can't talk about this please don't make me." Spencer pleaded, burying his face in the larger mans chest.

"Okay... shh it's okay. I wont make you right now. It's going to be okay, I've got you." Derek soothed, kissing the top of Reids head. 

"You didn't sign up for this.." Spence mumbled quietly. 

"Yes, I did. I would do anything for you." Derek murmured. 

Spencer lifted his head and timidly pressed his lips to Derek's, initiating a hesitant kiss. Derek quickly met him back with passion, it was perfect. Derek moved his hands to Reids hips as he explored his mouth with his tongue, swallowing the boys soft moans. 

Derek maneuvered them so that Spencer was laying down and he was on top of him, never separating their mouths. His hands gently stroked the injured mans torso and arms. Spencer broke away with a gasp.

"D-Derek.. I.. I.." 

"What is it, Spencer?" Derek asked, slowly mouthing along Reids jaw and then neck. 

"Derek please.." Spencer whimpered, shifting his body away from Derek's. 

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, pulling slightly back when he realized Reid needed space.

"I.. I want to, I do.. just- I can't.." Spencer clenched his eyes as fear washed over him, expecting some form of pain to come his way.

"You don't have to do anything, we can go as far or not as you want." Derek assured, Kissing right below the mans ear.

"N-no.. we c-cant do anything.. the reports.." 

"Reports?" Derek asked confused, now finally completely backing off the young man. 

"When I have to report it.. Can't have your DNA on me.." Spencer whispered.

"They don't take DNA like that for... oh." Realization dawned on Derek.

"No... No Spencer, don't tell me.. he didn't..?" Derek questioned, feeling his heart beat out of his chest. 

Spencer closed his eyes and turned his head away, desperately trying not to think about what had happened to him only a couple hours before Derek had picked him up. 

"Oh god Spencer... I'm so sorry. God I'm so so sorry. He'll never hurt you again, I promise you." Derek assured, helping Spencer sit up as he held him close. 

"I'm scared, Derek." 

"I know... He can't hurt you, not anymore. I'll kill him if he tries.." 

"No.. I'm scared to report it." 

"I know, I'll be with you the whole time. Every step, but we have to start today."

"I know. I need to have the exam while theres still fresh DNA on me.. and injuries." 

"...Fresh DNA?" Derek questioned, horror in his voice.

"This morning." Spencer whispered, closing his eyes as tears began to fall. 

Kris had been violating Spencer in horrific ways while Derek sulked. He couldn't beleive what his pretty boy was going through in the past 3 months, what he had failed to protect him from. 

"It's not your fault." Spencer said suddenly, catching Derek off guard. 

"I'm never letting it happen again..." Derek whispered, gently cupping Reids face as he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He finally knows! The fight is far from over though..


	7. I Can't Do This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter. I've realised that some people who used to read my stuff seem to have lost interest so I'm worried that my writing has gotten boring. I'm working on other works I want to eventually post, but hopefully this chapter doesn't let more people down. 
> 
> Peace and love,  
> -Nei♡

"I- I can't do this.." Spencer muttered into Derek's chest as the larger agent held him. 

"Shh, you can. You need help, Kristopher needs to be charged." Derek said, running his hand through the boys hair. 

"They'll all know.. He'll be so angry with me. I can't do this.. oh god." Spencer began to cry into his loves chest. 

"I know that you can. We need to get you to a hospital, Spencer. How bad are your injuries?" Derek asked, trying not to gaze down at the lithe mans back which he knew had welts. 

"Not too bad... He wasn't as.. rough.. Derek, I- I really cant do this.. I just want to sleep." Spencer whimpered. 

"Look at me," Derek tilted Reids head to face him. "I'm with you every step, Spencer. You can do this." Derek insisted. 

"They'll look at me.. take pictures.. they'll touch me, Derek. I can't, I'll have to tell strangers how weak I am. Everyone will know what I let him do." Spencer cried harder. 

"You are not weak. You've been living in what I can only assume has been hell. It's time you are free from that. He doesn't deserve you." Derek said softly, desperately trying to keep his guilt out of his voice. 

"You don't get it.. You don't know what I let him do.." Spencer sobbed out. 

"So tell me, please tell me, Spence.." 

"No! No no no! I- I can't! Derek please.. please don't make me do this.." 

"Hey shhhhh shh, I know you're scared, but it's going to be okay. Spencer, I promise I will still be right here no matter what he did. I need you to tell me." Derek urged, still looking into Reids eyes that were overfilling with tears. 

"No! I'm not telling you." Spencer insisted. 

"Spencer! I'm not going anywhere, let your walls down for just this moment and tell me! I'm right here, holding you and promising that I will not leave." Derek promised, his voice wavered as he saw the fear on Reids face. 

"You will leave! The second you know, you will leave!" Spencer raised his voice.

"I'll know anyway when you report this!" 

"No! I'm not reporting it." 

"Yes you are. I'm calling Hotch and telling him. You aren't going back to Kristopher!" 

"No! I have to! I have to go back, you don't get it, Derek!" 

"Damnit, then explain it to me Spencer!" 

"He's the only one who loves me! He knows how fucked up I am and he's still with me!" 

"He's beating you! That's not love, Reid! I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO GO BACK TO A MAN WHO IS HURTING YOU!" Derek yelled, letting his own tears flow. 

"I know that you think I ramble too much.. You get irritated when I spout off statistics you didn't ask for.. You don't really love me, Derek. You just want to use me." 

Derek's face become one of pain and Spencer knew he had just hurt him. 

"How could you say that? Sure, sometimes I tease you about the rambles or I'll cut you off during cases, but that's because I kinda have to so that we can focus on finding the unsub. I would never use you.. the fact that you even think I could.." Derek trailed off, shame overwhelming him. Hearing Spencer talk about him like that shattered his heart in a way he didn't know was possible.

"But he said.." 

"What? Did Kristopher say something about me?" Derek asked, now his voice becoming one of anger.

"He-he said that you wanted to know how to.. make me shut up.. I thought-" 

"You believed him!? You let that asshole make you doubt me? I thought we were best friends! I fucking love you, Spencer, rambles and all. How could you let him get in your head like that!?" Derek was furious and his tone made the obvious. Spencer felt himself panic, Derek was mad at him and he couldn't help but get scared. He started shuffling away from Derek's hold on him. 

"Reid?" Derek asked, now making his voice softer.

"I'm sorry.. I- I..." Spencer felt his heart race and his breaths become shallow, everything was closing in on him. His body hurt and he couldn't help but feel the burning ache in the deep gash directly below the waistband of his pants. He felt like his skin was on fire and something was wrong, very wrong. 

Everything started to feel fuzzy and Derek became blurry, he heard him speaking to him but he couldn't make it out or muster a response.

"Spencer!? What's wrong? Where are you hurt? Spencer look at me!" Derek yelled, grabbing Reids shoulders as the young mans eyes started fluttering. 

"I'm calling an ambulance, stay with me Reid, come on baby don't do this to me." Derek begged, holding Reid up against himself as he pulled out his phone and dialed 911. 

He explained the situation into the phone and that they were federal agents in need of immediate medical attention, giving his address. 

Reid had gone completely limp against him, though his eyes were still fluttering as he tried to look at Derek. 

"Come on baby, keep your eyes open for me. Where are you hurt? Spencer! Look at me!" Derek could tell that Reid was struggling, his eyelids slowly falling closed as his breathing became ragged. 

Derek scanned over Reids body and that's when he realised that Spencer's black pants seemed wet at the front, but it was right below the waistband, so he couldn't have relieved himself. He unbuckled Spencer's pants with murmurd apologies and slowly urged them down just enough. He saw a blood soaked bandage that was obviously being bled through. 

_What the fuck did he do to you?_

It was then that the paramedics came bursting in, immediately dragging Spencer's now unconscious form away from him. He followed desperately as they got him on the gurney and assessed the damage, taking him to the ambulance. With nothing but a flash of his badge, Derek got in with them.

They took off the bandage on Reids abdomen to reveal a deep gash that went from one side of his abdomen to the next, it clearly hadn't been properly patched up, Derek wondered if it was new. 

"This deep cut appears to have been done a little while ago, maybe last night. He has a bad infection, my guess is that this was done with an unclean blade, most likely there was already dried blood on the weapon." One of the paramedics said, hooking Reid up to fluids as the other began properly cleaning the cut. 

"Looking at his bruising, he could also have internal injuries, he's barely stable right now." One of the paramedics said. 

Derek pulled out his phone and called Hotch. 

"Morgan, Hello." Hotchs voice came through the phone, immediately calming Derek as he stared at Spencer's limp and battered body. 

"H-otch." Derek choked out. 

"What's going on?" Hotch asked, immediately hearing the terror in Derek's voice. 

"Its Reid. He- we are in an ambulance, He's barely stable.. You need to send the team to his apartment, arrest Kristopher for assault and close the place off." Derek manages the words, desperately trying to stay strong for the man he loved, the man who couldn't be strong for himself in the moment. 

"What did he do to him?" Hotch asked, his voice became fiercely protective, a tone they only heard when he was talking about Jack. 

"I-its bad, Hotch. Bruises.. everywhere.. theres blood, he cut him, its badly infected.. he might have internal injuries.. It's.." Derek released a sob he simply couldn't contain any longer. 

"Okay. We are going to his apartment now, you stay with him. Some of the team will meet you at the hospital after the arrest has been made. Call me with any update." Hotch said, after Derek's confirmation, the line ended and Hotch called the team. He gave little details besides that they were to arrest Kristopher for assaulting Reid and to close off the apartment as a crime scene. 

"His heartrate is dropping!" 

"We're losing him, step on it!" 

"He's flatlining!" 

"God no no Kid, stay with me! STAY WITH ME SPENCER! HELP HIM GOD PLEASE HELP HIM I CANT LOSE HIM!" Derek cried. 

"CLEAR!" 

"..."

"CLEAR!" 

"..."

"..CLEAR!!"

"HE'S BACK BUT HE'S WEAK! WE NEED TO GET HIM INTO SURGERY QUICK!" 

Pulling into the hospital, they rushed Spencer into the emergency room, Derek ran to keep up. They brought him back, but wouldn't let Derek follow, no matter how much he screamed and flashed his badge. He was causing a scene till he heard that familiar soothing voice. His solace. 

"Derek!" Garcia screamed, running towards Derek. 

He turned around and faced her panicked look with his tear streaked face.

"They won't let me back with him! They took him away!" Derek cried. Garcia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a soothing hug where he broke down and cried into her shoulder. 

"What happened to him? They are arresting Kristopher?" Garcia asked once Derek had gotten himself under control. 

"He hurt him.. He hurt him real bad.. For so long.. God how could I not have seen it?" Derek asked, he wanted nothing more than to bang his head against the wall. 

"This isn't your fault! Boy wonder is a profiler, he could hide it better than anyone, but why? We are his family! We could have helped him.." Garcia said, crying herself. 

"I-I don't know... I think the bastard made up lies from when he met us that night, made it sound like we didn't think well of him. I want to assist with the arrest." Derek said, heading for the exit. 

"No! You need to stay here! Reid needs you here, the team will get Kristopher." Garcia said, gripping Derek's shoulders. 

"I'm gonna kill him! I'm going to recreate every mark he put on Spencer and then more!" Derek growled, clenching his fists. 

"Reid wouldn't want that! We need to stay here and stay calm for him. He'll want you when he wakes up." Garcia soothed. 

"I told him I love him. He said it back.. But then he wanted to go back to- to that asshole who hurts him!" Derek voice stayed harsh. 

"He's confused and hurting, when he wakes up and realizes he's safe, that he has you, he'll want to put that man away for good." 

"God I hope so..." 

* * *

The team were all at Reids apartment, Rossi, JJ, and Emily were stood on either side of Hotch as he pounded on the door. 

"KRISTOPHER NELSON! THIS IS THE FBI!" Hotch yelled, hearing nothing but shuffling from the inside. 

He didn't have the patience for this, he quickly kicked the door in and the team flooded in behind him as they rushed into the apartment. They quickly spotted Kristopher in the living room with his hands up. Rossi darted to him and roughly jerked his hands behind his back, using more force than necessary. 

"Kristopher Nelson, you are under arrest for assaulting a federal agent." Rossi said before reading him his rights and roughly jerking him towards the door. Kristopher released a sickening laugh. 

"What's so funny? You're never touching him again." Emily growled out. 

"He wouldn't press charges on me, he didn't do this." Kris smiled wide. 

"Oh but he did. Agent Morgan is with him right now and his injuries are pretty damning, you'll never lay a finger on Spencer again." JJ piped in from behind Rossi as he forced the man out of the apartment. 

"I didn't assault him! This is bullshit! My little Pen likes it rough, I gave him what he wanted!" Kristopher yelled, anger now clear in his voice. 

The team all remained quiet, there was nothing to say to that, though there was a lot of physical responses that they could use, they knew better than to do so. 

Hotch called Morgan. 

* * *

Derek's phone rang and displayed Hotch's contact, he immediately picked up.

"Did you get him!?" Derek asked desperately.

"Yes, we're taking him to the nearest station now, JJ and Emily are closing off the apartment and we've got people on the way for collecting any evidence and pictures." Hotch said calmly. 

"Good, don't let the bastard out of anyone's sight!" Derek said. 

"How is Reid?" Hotch asked. 

"I don't know yet, they haven't said anything." Derek said with a sigh. It was then that a doctor came out.

"Wait Hotch I gotta go, I'll call right back." He said, hanging up and joining Garcia to rush towards the doctor. 

"Family of Spencer Reid?" The woman asked, eyeing them closely.

"Yes, not uh by blood but we should be labeled as contacts for him. We are FBI, hes my partner. How is he?" Derek asked eagerly. 

"Well, he's in surgery now, he actually came back into conciousness for a moment. He requested we perform a SANE kit while he is unconscious, so that will be done. There does not appear to be internal bleeding. There is evidence of repeated brutal sexual assault, lasting over a long period of time. He has scarring and injuries consistent with being whipped, my guess would be a belt. He has a bad infection that we are treating him for. The deep cut on his abdomen is the source, I would say it was done with an unclean blade that had been used to cut him previously based off other injuries. He has burn marks on his inner thighs, I really can't tell you what was used." 

Derek and Garcia didn't have words, it was so much worse than they imagined. Burn marks? Whipped with a belt? This wasn't just abuse, he was being tortured. Derek hung his head and let his tears fall.

"I really must tend to other patients, but we will get you when he's out of surgery. Oh, wait! I almost forgot, are either of you Morgan or do you know if they are on their way?" The woman asked. 

"I'm Morgan, Derek Morgan." Derek answered, looking at her again. 

"Alright, he did ask for you several times when he was kind in and out of it, my guess is he will want you there when he wakes up." The doctor gave him a smile and left to return to other patients. 

Derek staggered back to sit with Garcia, letting his head fall into his hands. 

"He asked for you... He asked them to perform the kit, he's ready to put him away, it will be okay." Garcia soothed, rubbing Derek's back. 

"Did you hear his injuries? Kristopher was... God what he did to him... H-how can someone do that to Spencer? He's already been through so much. Why to Spencer?" Derek asked, his voice tight. 

"It happens to a lot of people, honey. It's always worse when it's happening to someone you love." Garcia said. 

"How do I help him recover from this? How did we not know? He was being tortured! TORTURED! Oh god, he came into work like nothing was wrong. I GAVE UP ON CALLING HIM! Oh God-" Derek bolted up just in time to spill the contents of his stomach into the nearest trash can.

Garcia stood beside him, rubbing her hand on his back in a desperate attempt to soothe him. 

* * *

"JJ, oh god- look at this.." Emily called from the bedroom Reid shared with Kristopher. 

JJ walked in and immediately spotted it.

"Oh god, is that?" JJ questioned, staring at the sheets streaked in blood and semen. 

"Oh god, this is so much worse than we imagined. How did we not know?" Emily asked. 

"I don't know, Em.. I thought he would tell us anything. He's been living in pain and didn't trust us enough to ask for help. Did we let him down?" JJ asked with tears in her eyes. 

"Maybe, but not again... Never again. It took all the control I had not to kill the son of a bitch when he talked about Reid like that.." Emily responded.

JJ opened the closet and looked inside the dresser, gasping. 

"What?" Emily asked, dreading the answer. 

JJ held up a clear bag to reveal the contents inside. 

"Shit.. I'll call Morgan." Emily said. 

* * *

Derek snapped his tired eyes open when his phone began to ring, displaying Emily's contact. Garcia listened to Derek's side of the conversation not-so-subtly. 

"Hey, Prentiss, what did you find?" 

"What?"

"No.. He wouldn't, that has to be Kristophers. I know but-"

"No, I'm sure of this. Take it as evidence, that's not his though Prentiss, I know it... Okay, call me with more updates... No, we don't know anything yet." Derek closed the phone and released a long and heavy sigh.

Garcia watched him as his clenched the phone and focused his breathing, bouncing his leg.

"What did they find?" Garcia asked hesitantly. 

  
"Dilaudid."


	8. Safe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who left such sweet comments on the last chapter, it meant so much to me. Honestly, I was feeling like maybe my writing just doesn't cut it compared to most of the other writers on here. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it took a surprising amount of time to write and I had to temporarily neglect my other work to get this out lol. 
> 
> Peace and love,  
> \- Nei♡

Spencer slowly felt himself be dragged into conciousness by the familiar beeps of hospital machines and a firm pressure on his hand. He tried to remember what happened, why was he in the hospital? Oh, right. He slowly opened his eyes to find the room was surprisingly dim. He quickly assessed that pressure on his hand, finding a large dark hand covering his own, that hand belonging to a certain Derek Morgan.

"Derek?" Spencer asked, his voice was surprisingly rough. 

"Hey pretty boy, drink some water for me?" Derek suggested, holding a small cup up to Spencer's mouth. 

Spencer took a few sips before letting his head fall back to the bed and closing his eyes.

"Does anything hurt?" Derek asked, giving Spencer's hand a gentle squeeze. 

"Y-es." Spencer croaked out. 

"Do you need a nurse?" Derek asked despite catching the feeling that Reid wanted silence. 

"No. You're here." Spencer stated matter of factly. 

"I am. Is that alright?" 

"Yeah." 

"You should get some more rest, pretty boy."

"No, I'm alright." Spencer insisted. 

"Do you need more meds? Your notes say no narcotics so they've just got you on a basic cocktail of non-narcartics but said you'd probably need some more to take the edge off..." Derek said, though Spencer could tell there was an odd motive behind his words.

"No.. I'm fine." Spencer said warily.

"So um..." Derek started, though he wasn't sure where to take the conversation.

"What are you not telling me, Derek?" Spencer asked firmly. 

"The team arrested Kristopher." 

Spencer went stiff as he looked at Derek. It was really happening, they arrested Kristopher. He was free? 

"Oh." Spencer said, feeling himself at a loss for words. Something weird bubbled in his gut, he couldn't quite process what he was feeling.

"They closed off your apartment to uh.. collect evidence." Derek continued hesitantly. Just as he feared, yet expected, Spencer became even more tense and snapped his hand away from Derek's. 

"W-what? They searched my apartment?" Spencer asked, panic evident in his voice.

"Yeah, Kid. They had to, we needed pictures and evidence for the report. It sounds like they uh.. got a lot." Derek said honestly. 

Spencer closed his eyes and started repeatedly throwing his head back onto his bed.

"Hey.. hey Spencer, stop. You need to go easy on yourself, you're injured." Derek said gently.

"I know, Derek!" Spencer snapped. 

"Reid.. JJ and Emily found something in the closet.." Derek said carefully. 

Spencer looked at him confused for a moment before horror washed over his face.

"I- I didn't use it! I swear I didn't use it! I'm clean, I promise I'm clean!" Spencer desperately explained.

"Shh I know, I believe you. Why was it there, Spencer?" 

"I- uh.. He said he would um.. use it on me if I didn't.. cooperate. He never did! I was good, he never had to use it!" Spencer's chest started heaving as he rushed out his explanation. 

"Okay, okay.. Shh, calm down. Take a deep breath for me. It's alright, Kid. You're okay." Derek soothed, taking Reids hand in his again. 

"I'm not okay." Spencer said, sounding broken.

"You will be, I'll make sure of it. That bastard won't hurt you again." Derek promised.

Just then a doctor and nurse came into the room, both women.

"Hello Dr. Reid, nice to see you awake! I am Dr. Koothrappali and this is your SANE nurse May Connors. How are you feeling?"

"Uh.. Alright." 

"Any pain?" 

"A little, I'm fine though."

"Okay, feel free to let us know if you need anything to feel a bit more comfortable. We do need to complete the rest of your SANE exam." Dr. Koothrappali said. 

"The rest?" Spencer asked shocked. 

"Yes, you requested we do the kit while you were unconscious, so we did collect evidence before repairing the damage in your rectum. We still need you to sign some documents so we can take photos for evidence." The doctor continued.

"Oh. Right, yeah. I'll sign." Reid said calmly, though his eyes showed his true panic.

"Alright, we can get started whenever you're ready. You can also keep someone in the room with you if you'd like." 

Spencer looked at Derek and caught the way he was staring at him expectantly. He couldn't do this, not with Derek there to watch his body be turned into an object again.

"No, I'd like to be alone." Spencer tried not to notice the hurt look Derek wore. 

"I'll be right outside if you need me, Kid." Derek assured, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before walking out of the room.

Derek went straight for a vending machine that sells coffee. While selecting what he wanted, he heard a familiar clack of heels matching someone with less than graceful balance. 

"Oh my sweet hunk, is my baby genius awake yet?" Garcia asked, pacing towards him in a pair of bright yellow heels.

"He's awake. They uh, have to do the rest of the exam for evidence. They are taking pictures of his injuries." Derek answered sadly.

"And why are you not with him!? It's got to be scary for him.." Garcia said, her voice just a sorrowful. 

"He didn't want me there." Derek replied, now staring into the far more interesting cup of vending machine coffee. 

"Oh. Well maybe he didn't want you to have to hear about everything, I'm sure it's not personal sweetheart." Garcia soothed, gently rubbing his shoulder. 

Derek hummed his response and took a sip of the coffee, immediately letting his face express his distaste. 

"Yeah I didn't like the stuff either, there is actually a little café in the hospital that has the good stuff, let's get some while we wait." Garcia suggested. 

"No, I want to be close in case he needs me. He is responding so weird to it all, like it didn't really happen." Derek said, his eyes full of worry. He gulped down more of the stale barely hot coffee. 

"Did you ask about the dilaudid?" Garcia asked, she tried to seem relaxed, but Derek could tell she'd been thinking of how to ask since this conversation started. 

"I did. He swears he didn't use it, said Kristopher threatened him with it though. The bastard kept Reids personal poison in the apartment as a threat. Scary thing is, I think eventually, he really would have drugged Spence." 

"What? Why would he do that?" Garcia gasped.

"If Spencer had fought him hard enough, or tried to leave again, I think he would have drugged him as a chemical restraint." Derek sighed out, tossing what little was left of the coffee into the trash, now feeling too sick to stomach it. 

"That's icky... More than icky actually, but I can't think of another word or phrase." Garcia said. 

"Its fucked up, that's what you're looking for." Derek responded coldly.

"Ah, yes, that would be it. At least he's safe now, right?" Garcia asked hopefully.

"I'll kill the bastard before he could hurt Spencer again." Derek assured. 

CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM

"Alright Dr. Reid, now that we have everything ready, we are going to begin taking pictures of your injuries. Are all of these scars from your attacker?" Nurse Connors asked. 

"Yes." Reid replied, almost robotically. 

"Alright, we will be touching you to rearrange your position and a ruler will be placed by some of the injuries, is that okay?" 

"Yes." 

"Alright, just try and relax and this can stop at any time." 

The nurse started with his front, starting with his chest. Spencer couldn't help but close his eyes and let the memories of his last 3 months with Kristopher play over in his head. 

\----Flashback----

_"Pen, stop your fucking squirming or I'll really make it hurt!" Kristopher yelled angrily, holding the bloodied belt in his hands as he straddled Reids thighs._

_"I-I'm sorry! Kris please I'm sorry!"_

_"If you're sorry, STAY STILL!" Kris yelled as he brought the belt down across Spencer's chest again._

_"AAHNN!"_

_"Oh Pen you sound so good like that, god I'm close just from your screams baby!" Kristopher praised_ _with a dark smile. He slapped Reid across the face, drawing a whimper from the young man._

_"My good little boy, god I love you like this. You're taking it so well." Kristopher cooed, kissing down the bleeding welts on Spencer's chest._

_"Th-thank you.." Spencer said weakly, feeling himself_ _drift further from who he used to be._

\----Flashback Ended----

"Dr. Reid, are you still with us?" Nurse Connors asked gently. 

"Wha- oh.. uh yes. Sorry." 

"It's quite alright, you're taking this so well." The nurse praised without thought. 

' _My good slut, you're taking it so well'_ Echoed around his mind.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the nurse continued to catalogue the abuse he'd let himself take for months. 

  
\----Flashback----

_"Hey Pen, come try this." Kristopher said, holding up a spoonful of the sauce he was cooking._

_Spencer padded into the kitchen in his mix-matched socks and messy hair. He quickly accepted the offered spoonful of sauce and made a satisfied humming sound as he sipped it._

_"Good?" Kristopher asked with a smile._

_"Very good! What's in it?" Spencer questioned, now staring at the pot with intense focus._

_"It's a secret. Don't eat anything till dinner, it'll be a dense meal, baby." Kris ordered with a soft peck to Spencer's lips with his own._

_"Okay, need any help cooking?" Spencer offered with a smile. He always liked the idea of cooking with his partner._

_"No, go get some rest, Pen." Kris responded softly._

_"I... actually want to cook with you, can I help?" Spencer asked hesitantly, though his eyes were beaming._

_Kris gave him an endearing smile before placing his hands on Reids shoulders and kissing his forehead. He smiled at Reid again before tightening his hold on his shoulders till it hurt._

_"Ah- Kris.." Spencer whined, feeling his boyfriend dig his nails into the already existing bruises on his arms._

_"I told you to go rest, so go rest." Kris said through a clenched jaw._

_"O-okay... So-sorry." Spencer gasped out. Kristopher released him with a coo and a kiss to his cheek._

_"I'm sorry Pen, I just want you to relax while I make a nice dinner for you. Can I have a kiss?" Kristopher asked, though he'd already pressed his lips against Spencer's, drawing the lithe man close._

_He wrapped his arms around Reid as he intensified the kiss grinding against Reids groin._

_"Wanna be a good boy?" Kris asked breathlessly as he pulled away from the kiss._

_"Y-es.." Spencer whispered, feeling his gut twist._

_"You know what to do, baby." Kris said with a ruffle to Spencer's hair_

_Spencer dropped to his knees and reached for Kristophers belt._

\----Flashback Ended----

It seemed like forever till the nurse announced she was finished, letting Reid redress in his hospital gown and gently settle into the hospital bed. 

"Would you like me to go get your friend?" The nurse asked, though she got no response.

Spencer had completely withdrawn into his mind, analyzing every moment of pain he'd let himself feel to please Kristopher. He missed Kris, was that wrong? Probably. He was hurting and scared and everything was changing, he wanted to be home and wrapped in blankets as Kristopher read _The Hobbit_ to him.

Maybe Morgan could read to him? Some part of him had always wished it was his arms wrapped around him at night, not Kristophers. Spencer couldn't help but feel that he'd rather never feel arms around him again, he couldn't get hurt if he was alone. He was too stuck in his head to even register that the nurse had left to find the man he truly loved. 

"Agent Morgan?" Nurse Connors said, approaching the large dark skinned man who was speaking with a blonde haired woman in a bright dress. 

"Yes? Is Spencer okay?" Derek responded, looking concerned. 

"Well, physically, he is doing well. The exam is finished and with all of the evidence needed from his assault, he will be free to leave once his infection is fully cleared up, should only be a few days." Connors said with a gentle smile. 

"That's good. And how is he doing mentally?" Derek asked, his forehead creased in concern. 

"Honestly, I'm not trained to give a medical analysis on that. What I do know is that by the time the exam was finished, he was completely unresponsive. I'm going to recomend a Psychologist meet with him in the morning." 

"Unresponsive?" Garcia asked, her voice high.

"Yes, he was spacing out a lot while we took the pictures, he barely spoke during. Once we got him into bed, he just retreated into his mind. I believe it would be beneficial for him to have friends or family right now. If you both would like to see him, you are welcome, just be careful with him." 

Derek gave the nurse a nod and Garcia thanked her enthusiastically as she followed the large agent to Reids room. Once inside, they both took note of how Spencer's eyes were open, yet he looked still as if he was asleep.

"Hey sugarplum, Derek and I are here to keep you company." Garcia soothed, taking a seat by Spencer.

The injured man didn't acknowledge her. Derek took a seat on his other side and took hold of his hand.

"Hey Kid.. I'm not leaving your side again, I know it's scary, but you're so strong and I'm so proud of you, pretty boy." Derek said, bending forward to place a gentle kiss to Reids forehead. Spencer leaned into the kiss and blinked. 

"Kris..?" Spencer murmured, his voice fearful.

"No Kid, its Derek."

"Derek.." Spencer sighed out, this time his voice was more relaxed, content. 

"Yeah baby, I'm right here, you're safe." Derek assured, stroking Reids hair with one hand as he held the boys hand with his other.

"..Baby?" Spencer questioned. Derek chuckled.

"Yeah, is it okay if I call you that?" Derek asked, suddenly feeling nervous, an emotion he was inexperienced with. 

"Yeah... 's nice.." Spencer hummed, savoring the feeling of the comfort Derek offered him. 

Garcia simply sat and watched the tender moment. She felt like she didn't belong in the room for it, but she couldn't pull herself away from either of her favorite boys.

"I'm gonna take care of you, just get some sleep Spencer. I'm right here, I'm not leaving. You're safe." Derek promised, smiling down at the dazed and scared young man.

"Safe?" Spencer asked, finally meeting Derek's eyes with his own. 

"Safe." Derek assured with a gently squeeze to his hand. 

Spencer rested his head, but he didnt close his eyes like Derek expected. 

"Get some sleep." Derek urged.

"Please.. I don't want to.." Spencer whispered.

"Why not?" Derek whispered back. 

"I'll see him. I'm scared, Derek." Spencer said, his voice so weak Derek barely heard him.

"Okay, we can stay up together. Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked, his voice gentle and loving. 

"N-no.. I just.. I'm confused.." Spencer admitted, looking away. 

"About what?" 

Garcia decided it was time she took her leave. She quietly stood and left the room, giving them privacy despite her want to be close to her sweet genius. 

"About you.. this.. us.." Spencer said hesitantly.

"What about it is confusing you?" Derek prodded, keeping his voice gentle and reassuring.

"I-I want.. you, but I don't.. I want to be alone- don't leave! I want you, I.. I breathe easier with you here, but I dont want to.. upset you?" Spencer stammered out, his voice filled with uncertainty. 

"It's okay, you could never upset me. I'm here for you, right by your side no matter what. I wont hurt you Spencer, not like he did." Derek promised. 

"He l-loves me. He's my boyfriend." Spencer said, his voice still uncertain. 

"Not anymore. He didn't treat you right Spencer, he didn't deserve you. I won't let him hurt you again." Derek said, more firmly this time. 

Spencer's face suddenly became one of anger now, it caught Derek off guard and immediately caused him to take a step back, but still kept his hand in his. Spencer on the other hand, yanked his hand away from Derek's, a fire in his eyes and not a good kind.

"So, what? I'm yours now? I'm supposed to be good for you instead of him now?" Spencer snapped, his words pure venom.

"No, Spence-" 

"Shut up! I'm... I'm not yours! I'm not Kristophers! I'm mine! I can't do this... I don't know how to-" Spencer choked on his words, his throat feeling tight as his eyes filled with tears he refused to let fall.

"Spencer, listen to me. I know you aren't mine, you belong to yourself, nobody else. I didn't mean to make you feel any form of pressure. I hate that I did nothing while that bastard hurt you, I just want to protect you, but I'll back off. I love you, I told you that, you told me the same thing. Nothing has to happen, not if you don't want it to. No matter what we are, will you please let me help you?" Derek said honestly, his own tears swimming to the surface. 

"I- I do love you. I'm sorry, I know you aren't.. like him. I just, I can't be with you.. like that. Not for awhile, at least. I like it when you're near me." Spencer said, his voice sounding tired. 

"I know that Spencer, we don't have to be anything more than friends till you are ready, if you ever want to take that step." Derek assured. 

"I think.. I'd like that, one day maybe? Just.. dont leave me yet?" Spencer asked, his voice sounded as though he was begging. 

"Not ever, pretty boy. You look real tired, how can I help you sleep peacefully?" Derek asked, noting the way Spencer's eyes were fighting to stay open. 

"I don't know.." Spencer answered, though he did know, but could he ask for it?

"Your mom used to read to you, didn't she?" Derek asked curiously.

_I thank god for you, Derek Morgan._

"Y-yeah. She did." Spencer muttered.

"How about I read to you?" Derek suggested with a smile.

"Okay." 

"Alright, I actually have _The Illustrated Man_ by Ray Bradbury, you talked about it so much during that one case, I bought a digital copy. How does that sound?" Derek said, missing the way Spencer's cheeks burned red. 

"That sounds perfect, Derek, thank you." 

Derek settled down next to Spencer and began reading to him off his phone, stroking the boys hair with his free hand.

Garcia peeked inside the window to the room, smiling at the sight. She knew that her baby genius would pull through, especially with Derek's help. She pulled out her phone and called Hotch. 

"Garcia, how is Reid?" Hotchs concerned voice came through the phone.

"Boy wonder is struggling, he's settled down right now, Morgan's keeping him calm. He's scared, Sir." Garcia's voice wavered.

"He's strong. We have Kristopher in custody, JJ and Prentiss just returned from his apartment, there was a **lot** there. Rossi is staying at the station to be sure Kristopher isn't left out of sight. Do you think it would be okay for some of us to visit him?" Hotch asked.

"He's super tired right now, bossman. They had to take pictures of him and it put him in a real bad place. I think it should just be Morgan for now, we should all wait till morning." Garcia answered.

"Alright, we'll go over what evidence we have at the office, put together a solid case for Reid." Hotch responded. 

"Will Reid have to testify against him?" Garcia asked. 

"Unfortunately, yes. He'll need to say what happened to him in front of a judge and possibly a jury, as well as display the images of his injuries and the results from the DNA they found when completing the rape kit." Hotch sighed out. 

"I don't know if he can handle that." Garcia whispered. 

"The trial won't be soon enough, by the time its arrived, I'm sure Reid will be ready to get it over with. It will be difficult, but he will get through this." Hotch assured the blonde who seemed to have completely lost her usual spunk since learning what Reid had been through. 

"I sure hope so. I'm about to head back to the office, I'll see you soon, Sir." 

"Alright, goodbye Garcia." 

Garcia took one last peek in Reids hospital room, aweing at the sight she was blessed with. Spencer was sleeping soundly while Morgan stroked his hair, staring at him lovingly. Garcia placed her hand over her heart and felt a happy warmth spread through her before she took a mental picture and went on her way. 

Inside the room where Derek was soothingly brushing Spencer's hair with his hand. He set his phone down to hold Reids slender hand in his own.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again, baby. On my life, on my pops grave, I will protect you. I won't leave you alone." Derek whispered his promis to the sleeping man. 

Spencer couldn't hear him, he knew that, but this oath was more to himself than just Spencer. He had let Reid live in hell for so long, but not anymore, never again.

* * *

Garcia was back in her lair, though she didn't quite feel at home, not with Spencer in the hospital. She was told to look into Kristophers life, well actually, look into his everything. She had been going into everything digital the man owned, desperately hoping to find something to aid Reids case. It was when she found a drive that had downloaded files on his desktop computer in their apartment that she paused.

Hacking into the computer hadn't been difficult, the man was barely versed in any form of being tech savvy. She took a look at the file and her heart dropped when she saw that the title of the folder was ' _Pen_ '.

She clicked the file and immediately felt herself panic, her screen was filled with copious amounts of pictures and video files, all had similar titles like ' _GoodLittlePen_ ' to ' _PunishingPen_ '. Just from the thumbnails for the videos and the pixilated versions of the photos, Garcia felt sick. She clicked the first image and immediately turned around and ran out of her lair to find Hotch. 

Hotch snapped his head up from the images taken within Reids apartment when he heard the rushed clicking of heels. Garcia appeared in his office only a second after he'd registered the sound. 

"Garcia, did you find something?" Hotch asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Yes! My lair.. now!" Garcia yelled, alreadying rushing back to her screens, Hotch on her heels. 

Upon entering the room, Hotch was immediately shocked still to see the image on Garcias computer. 

It was of Spencer, he was tied to the bed with a gag in his mouth and a tear streaked face. His chest had slashes across it, blood smeared across his torso. He was looking away from the camera, but you could still see the glaze in his eyes. 

"How many are there like this?" Hotch asked, barely containing his stoic mask. 

"58 photos, 29 videos. I haven't viewed any besides this. He documented all of it..." Garcia choked out, closing the image and downloading the file before it could possibly be deleted.

"He wanted to be able to relive what he had done, most likely while Reid was away on cases. I'll inform Morgan of this in the morning. Reid will need to know this as well." Hotch sighed.

Garcia found a document in the folder labeled ' _Rules_ ' and hesitantly opened it as Hotch observed.

On the document was exactly as the title suggested, it was a list of rules. Hotch felt his stoic resolve waver.

**Pen's Rules:**

**1\. Never deny me.**

**2\. No seeing the team without permission.**

**3\. Clean your messes.**

**4\. Scream.**

**5\. I will use you whenever and however I want, fighting me will result in punishment.**

  
Hotch found himself at a loss for words, there was nothing he could say in the moment, all he could do was work to use all of this to Reids advantage. 

Hotch felt his heart race with the feeling of failure, how could they have missed something this awful? 


	9. Called For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this is shorter than the rest of the chapters, hopefully it doesn't disappoint.

Gently pushing the door open, Hotch is greeted with the sight of Reid sleeping in his hospital bed, Morgan leaning next to him. The subtle beeping and humming from the machines surrounding the damaged boy is a painful confirmation that Spencer is alive. Morgan was now looking at Hotch, his eyes conveying all the pain he was feeling over Reids situation. It was more than guilt in Morgan's eyes, it was sorrow, grief even. Derek was grieving, they all were. Spencer may be alive, but they all now knew they'd lost a part of the genius they'd most likely never get back. 

"Morgan, I need you to step outside with me for a moment." Hotch used his tone to express the seriousness of this, now was not the time for Morgan to insist he stayed by the boys side. Derek could tell, he could hear and see the emotions Hotch rarely let anyone see, he could see the horror in his Unit Chief's eyes. He hesitantly stood and followed Hotch outside the room, gently closing the door but not leaving the hallway directly outside the room. 

"What's going on?" Derek asked urgently.

"Garcia found more evidence after hacking into Kristophers computer." Hotch said, letting the obvious implication dawn on Derek.

"...Pictures?" Derek asked painfully, he didn't want it to be true, it couldnt be. That would crush Spencer if he didn't already know. To Derek's horror, Hotch nodded. 

"And videos. There's a particular video, the title caught our eye." Hotch said.

"What was it titled? Tell me, Hotch." Derek urged, his voice impatient, rushed, panicked.

"It was titled Pen_Is_A_Junkie. When we clicked the file, it- It was a video of him giving Spencer a syringe." Hotchs voice wavered. 

"What!? He handed the kid dilaudid? Obviously he didn't use it though.." Derek stated confidently.

"Morgan... He did." Hotch said solemnly.

"Wha- No, Hotch. He didn't. I asked him about the dilauded JJ and Emily found, he swore he didn't use it." Derek defended. 

"Morgan, you need to watch the video. I have the file on this tablet, use the headphones, you need to see it to understand." Hotch said, handing Derek the tablet. 

Derek took it and put the headphones on, leaning against the wall opposite the door to Reids room. With a heavy sigh, he pressed play.

**_*_ **   
**_Reid was laying on the bed, his chest covered in bruises and fresh marks. He was sobbing as he looked away from the camera that was uncomfortably close to him. Kristophers hand comes into view, holding a partially filled syringe, handing it to Reid. Spencer looks at it for a second before taking a ragged breath and reaching for it with a shaky hand._ **

**_"Take it Pen, it'll make the pain stop." Kristophers voice booms from behind the phone being used to record the broken down man._ **

**_"N-no... I can't! Not this... can't do this.. anything but this.." Spencer cries out between the sobs wracking his beaten body._ **

**_"This is a reward Pen, not a punishment. Accept it or I'll just make it hurt more." Kris warned._ **

**_Spencer looked at him wide eyes before jerkily nodding his head and unwrapping the syringe. He aimed it at the crook of his elbow before hesitating, looking at Kris with pleading eyes._ **

**_"Fucking use it, Pen, jesus!" Kris exclaimed angrily. Spencer flinched the plunged the needle into his arm._ **

**_He pushed the drug into his system and almost immediately he released a pained moan and his eyes rolled back as he collapsed onto the bed, his eyes glazing over._ **

**_Kristopher snickered from behind the phone and began pulling down Reids breifs, still recording. The camera pans down to reveal Reids bare groin as Kris spreads his legs and settles between them. The sound of Kristopher unbuckling and unzipping his pants is heard before the video cuts off._ **   
**_*_ **

_He lied to me. He looked me in the eye and swore he never used it. I trusted him, I was so sure that he was being honest. How many times did he shoot up? How many times did I miss him going through withdrawls? He lied to me so easily. Does he not give a damn about his health, about me!? How could the Kid do this? No! I can't be mad at him, I just watched proof that he was coerced, if not **forced** to take it before being raped. Does he even know this exists? God how I let you down, pretty boy. _

Derek handed the tablet to Hotch before taking off to the nearest bathroom. He barely made it into a stall before expelling the contents of his stomach, eventually just dry heaving till he managed to block out the images of Kris using Reid for pleasure while he was high and dozed.

_I can't take the Kids word for anything now, what else did he lie about? Does he even remember shooting up? Does he know what Kristopher did once he was too out of it to fight. God this is all more fucked up then I could have imagined. Is this some fucked up nightmare? I need to wake up, I need to wake up and none of this be real! I need to wake up and for Reid to be okay, to be safe._

Derek washed out his mouth and splashed cold water over his face to cool down, he needed to get back to Reid, but could he even look at the Kid without flashes of that video replaying in his mind? 

_Everytime he talks I'll think about how serious he was when he desperately swore to me that he never used the dilauded, how desperately he **lied** to me._

Derek didn't even know he had left the bathroom, or that his legs had carried him all the way back to Hotch who was peering into Reids hospital room.

"Morgan, do you need to leave? I can stay with Reid." Hotch suggested. 

"I no- uh... actually, yeah. I can go over the evidence we have, try to put it together for Reids case. I need some space, a shower, fresh clothes." Derek mumbled, rubbing his hand over his shaved head. 

"Okay, take care of what you need and then meet the others at the office." Hotch said gently, his voice softer and warmer than usual. 

"Alright, and Hotch,"

"Yes?"

"Take care of him. Call me if anything happens, I don't care if he blinks weird, I want to know." Derek insists. 

"Of course. Go, Morgan." Hotch silently walked into Reids room and deposited himself into the chair Morgan had used to read to the boy.

There he sat for the night, watching over the sleeping boy.

***CMCMCMCM***

When Reid wakes up, he's calm, remembering that Derek had soothed him to sleep by reading to him. He wet his lips before calling out into the room.

"Derek?" He groaned, still not opening his eyes.

"Not quite." Hotch corrected with a fond smile.

Reid snapped his eyes open to see his Unit Chief sitting beside him.

"H-otch! Hi." Reid said awkwardly.

"Hello, Reid. How are you feeling?" Hotch said, leaning forward. 

"Uh fine, well, compared to earlier anyway- um wheres Morgan?" Reid tried not to sound desperate. 

Truth is, he was desperate. He kept hoping Derek would stroll into the room any second and hold his hand again. Hotch did provide him with a feeling of safety, but not quite the comfort that Derek could.

"He's with the team to help put your case together." Hotch explained. 

"He left?" Reid couldn't keep the disappointment and disbelief out of his voice. 

_He promised he'd stay. He promised. Why would he leave me? What did I do?_

"I'm sure he will be back this afternoon, there is a lot of evidence for him to review right now though." Hotch assured. 

"Evidence." Reid repeated plainly. He was evidence now. 

"Yes. Reid, were you aware that Kristopher had photo and video documentation of his abuse towards you?" Hotch asked boldly.

Spencer paled. He didn't think they'd find that, there was so much. All the times he'd been bad, they'd see it all.. All the times he'd been good were even worse in his opinion though.

"Uh.. I f-forgot." Spencer stammered. 

"Morgan asked you if you had used the dilauded JJ and Emily found. You said you did not. There was a video displaying otherwise. We cannot help you if you lie to us." Hotch used his Unit Chief voice, but Reid could hear the care that was present as well. He dared to think he could even hear guilt in Hotch's tone.

_They know. I lied and they know. It was only that one time, it didn't count. Doesn't matter, they all know. Oh god, Morgan knows. That's why he left, of course he wouldn't stay by the side of a junkie. I'm Kristophers. Kristophers good little pen. Be good, be good, be good._

"Reid? Are you listening to me? You need to be completely honest with us." Hotch scolded lightly. He got no response from Reid who seemed trapped in his own head. 

"Reid?" 

Next thing he knew, Reid was clamping his eyes shut and his head was thrown back, clearly a sign of distress. 

"Reid, what's wrong? Does something hurt?" Hotch asked urgently, Spencer started shaking his head, his eyes still clenched shut. 

"Talk to me, Reid." Hotch urged, reaching to grab Reids hand.

The second contract was made, Reid released a heart wrenching wail and pulled his hand away, he began thrashing in the bed. 

"I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!" Hotch yelled out of the room, immediately catching the attention of several nurses near by.

As the nurses came pouring into the room, trying to restrain the distressed boy, he started screaming.

"NO! NO MORE! IM SORRY! PLEASE STOP! **DEREK** **HELP ME!** HELP ME!" Reid wailed out, desperately trying to escape the hands on him. 

One of the nurses held his arm down as another administrated a sedative into the crook of his elbow. After some tired halfhearted thrashes and whimpers, Reid fell limp against the bed. 

"What happened? What triggered that?" One of the nurses asked, sighing. 

"I dont know, we were talking and then he just.. he closed his eyes really tight and when I touched his hand, he started screaming. What was that?" Hotch asked.

"It sounds like a panic attack, he was most likely trapped in a flashback. He'll be out for awhile, but he was supposed to see a Psychologist in an hour, I'll move it to noon." 

"Okay, uh thank you. How do we help him with something like this?" Hotch asked. 

"Support and patience." The nurse answered with a nod. Once everything was calm again, Hotch stepped outside the room and called Morgan.

*****

Morgan had decided he needed a break from going over all the photos and videos that Kristopher had taken. He was feeling raw to say the least. In the videos, Reid didn't even sound like himself. He tried to pretend the pictures weren't of the love of his life, but they would be forever burned in his memory anyway. He was trying to calm down with some coffee when his phone rang. 

"Morgan." He said, having not looked at the contact name.

"Morgan, Its Hotch." 

"Hey, how is Reid?" Derek asked worriedly. 

"It's.. not good. I asked him about the dilauded, he closed down and then panicked when I touched his hand. He started screaming and wouldn't calm down, they had to sedate him." 

"Jesus... Did he hurt himself?" Derek's voice was panicked. 

"No..." Hotch said hesitantly.

"Why do I feel like you aren't telling me something.." Derek said warily.

"Alright Morgan, when Reid was screaming.. he called for **you** , he screamed for **you** to help him." Hotch said quietly.

"..."

"Morgan?" 

"I'm on my way." Morgan ended the phone and rushed out of the building. 


	10. I can't lose him

**_Beep. Beep. Beep._ **

_Machines? Oh, right. Derek, hospital... Me lying to Derek.. him finding out... him leaving. I messed up. I messed up awfully bad this time. Where is Kristopher? Did they arrest him? Everything feels fuzzy. I need Derek. Why did he have to leave? I need him._

Despite his closed eyes, tears still managed to fall as he laid on the hospital bed. His emotions tore around inside him like blades, ripping him apart. 

Derek looked up to see tears sliding down Spencer's face, he felt as though someone had a firm grip on his heart and had just started twisting. He gently reached across the bed to wipe the tears with his thumb, causing Reids breath to hitch.

"Shh, its Derek, pretty boy." Derek soothed, inching closer to the genius. 

Spencer peaked his eyes open and they immediately flashed to Derek with confusion. 

"You're here?" Spencer asked timidly.

"Of course. I'm right here, Spence." Derek assured, gripping Reids hand. 

"N-no.. you.. you left. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I lied. I- I know you wouldn't want a.. Junkie.." Spencer quietly cried. 

"What? Oh god.. Spencer, no. I just needed to get myself sorted and use the evidence to put together a solid case for you. I wont let Kristopher get away with what he did." Derek promised. 

"I- I feel so wrong, Derek." Spencer cried harder shaking his head. 

"What do you mean, baby?" Derek urged. 

"I w-want him.. But I hate him! Everything... H-hurts, I can fe-feel him on me.. I want it to stop. Derek, please make it all stop. I can't do this anymore." Spencer sobbed out, tears pouring down his cheeks. 

"Hey... Hey Spencer, look at me. I know you're hurting, I'm right here. I'm not leaving again, okay? You have to fight this." Derek said, bringing Spencer's hand to his face, kissing the back of it before holding it to his cheek. 

Spencer stared at his hand against Derek's cheek, the feeling of his lips still lingering on the back of it. All he could think in that moment is how he wanted to feel that reassuring pressure again. 

"D-do that again?" Spencer asked nervously.

Derek smiled and pressed his lips to the back of Spencer's hand again, this time lingering. 

"Better?" Derek asked with a smile. 

Spencer just stared at him, relishing the fluttering feeling in his stomach.

"What's on your mind, baby?" Derek asked, only gripping Spencer's hand tight. 

"I like it.. when you call me that... When you kissed me.." Spencer muttered, looking away. 

"You call that a kiss, huh?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"It was.. soft." Spencer explained in a small voice. 

"Spencer.. Can I really kiss you?" Derek asked.

"May I." Reid corrected with a small lift at the corner of his lips.

"Alright smarty pants, may I really kiss you?" Derek asked, already leaning forward slightly. 

"Yes." Spencer answered.

Derek gently caught Reids mouth in his own, moving softly against the damaged boy. Reid released a whine into Derek's mouth, the older male happily swallowing the sound. Derek moved his hand to Spencer's face, cupping his cheek as he deepend the kiss. It was awhile before Derek pulled away, though it felt like too soon. He rested his forehead against Reids, savoring the gasps of breath his young love was releasing. 

"Good?" Derek chuckled out. 

"Amazing." Spencer answered. 

"It's going to be okay Spencer, you know I'm here for you, I wont leave." Derek promised. 

"I'm sorry I lied to you." Spencer whispered.

Derek backed up and sat back in his chair, grabbing Spencers hand again. 

"I forgive you. Why **did** you lie?" Derek asked carefully.

"I.. I didn't want you to know I'm a j-junkie." Spencer murmured, letting his eyes fall to his lap. 

"Spencer, look at me. You aren't a junkie. He forced you to take it, that wasn't on you. You battled the withdrawls by yourself?" Derek asked hesitantly, not wanting to push Reid too far.

"He took care of me. He gave me meds to help the cramps and soothed me when I threw up. He read to me. He never let me heal alone, he loves me." Spencer said. 

"Baby, he was the reason you ever needed to heal to begin with. That isn't love. The team loves you, they are your family. Your mom loves you, even if it's hard for her to express that. I love you, in so many different ways." Derek said firmly. 

"He does love me. You don't get it." Spencer sighed out. 

"Explain it to me then." Derek pushed on. 

"He didn't get like this till he met all of you that night at the bar. He got too rough that night, he didn't.. use lube. He- He um, he ended up liking the way I responded, it made him feel good." Spencer explained in a quiet voice.

"How you responded?" Derek asked with a shocked voice. 

"My- um.. the way I screamed.. cried. He liked it, he couldn't um.. get off without that after that night. He always took care of me afterwards, made me feel better." Spencer said.

"Jesus, Kid. Why didn't you come to us? We could have helped you, did he threaten you?" Derek asked. 

"Not really? He's the only one who could love me even though I'm fucked up. He's the only one who can put up with my issues, he knows about my mom, what I could end up like.." 

"Spencer, he drilled that in your head while he abused you. None of that is love. I love you, Kid. I would never hurt you, never. You've been manipulated by him. Spence, please understand tha-" 

"Morgan." Hotch called from the doorway. 

"What?" Derek snapped. 

"I need to talk to you out here. Now." Hotch said seriously.

_Oh no._

"I'll be just outside, it wont be long." Derek assured Reid. 

Derek regrettably stood and follow Hotch out, closing the door behind himself. 

"What is it? More evidence?" Derek asked. 

"Rossi just called me, he is being taken to the hospital for a gunshot wound to the arm, he'll be okay, but he needs patched up." Hotch said.

"What!? What happened? He was at the station Kristopher is being kept!" Derek yelled.

"Kristopher escaped. He killed a guard and stole his uniform, when leaving, Rossi recognized him and Kristopher shot him, but left directly after. He shot at other officers, but none were hit as far as I know." 

"Kristopher escaped? He's going to come for Reid, we can't let that happen! We need to up security here and I'm not leaving the kids side." Derek swore, clenching his fists.

"I agree, but I don't believe Kris is heading here yet. He is obviously intelligent, Reid triggers something for him, hes proven he will not let anything keep him away. Why would he leave Rossi alive? It had to have been on purpose so that he would call us and everyone would flock here." Hotch said. 

"Why would he do that!?" Derek's mind was buzzing, he couldn't bring himself to understand anything. 

"...So that he can go to their apartment. There's got to be something he needs from there before he can get Spencer!" Hotch was already pulling out his phone and calling the rest of the team.

"You need to tell Reid what's happening." Hotch said as his phone rang.

Derek went back into the room where Reid was staring at him worriedly. Derek tried relax his muscles and face. 

"What is it? Derek?" 

"Okay, Kid, Listen.. Kristopher, he uh, escaped. You're safe, I'm staying right here." Derek said. 

Spencer went still, though he didn't look as panicked as Derek anticipated.

"Okay." Spencer said simply. 

"Are you alright, Spence?" 

"Uh, yeah. I'm okay. If he comes, he comes." Spencer shrugged.

"He's not going to get to you, Spencer. I promise." Derek assured.

"Okay. May I sleep now? I'm feeling tired." Spencer said suddenly.

"Yeah.. Of course. I'll be here." Derek said, eyeing Reid as the boy let his eyes slip closed.

* * *

Rossi looked up as Hotch entered his room.

"Did they find him?" Rossi asked wincing when he moved his arm. 

"No. We think he's going to their apartment before he tries to get Reid. JJ and Emily are going there now with officers, Garcia tried tracking any of his devices but he left his phone at the station." Hotch replied. 

"Is Morgan with the kid?" Rossi asked.

"He is, I don't think anything could take him away from Reid at this point." 

It was then that Hotch's phone rang, displaying Emily's contact. 

"Emily, what happened?" 

"He was here, but gone by the time we arrived. The door was kicked in and the place was trashed, floorboards in the closet were torn up. I think he found what he was looking for." Emily sighed out.

"Alright, what was in the closet to begin with?" Hotch asked. 

"That's where we found the vial of dilaudid. It's possible he had a larger stash under that floorboard. If that's the case, he fully intends to use that on Reid. Tell me someone's with him." Emily said. 

"Morgan is in his room with him. I'm with Rossi at the moment." 

"How is his arm?" Emily asked.

"It hurts, but he's patched up and he's fine, they are getting him his discharge papers now." Aaron answered. 

"Good. Where should JJ and I go? Where would Kristopher go?" Emily asked, her voice conveying how lost she felt. 

"He is probably going to find somewhere to hide out till he can get to Reid. Come to the hospital. Kristopher is now wanted for homicide and shooting a federal agent, the entire department is looking for him currently." Hotch said. 

"Okay, We'll be there soon, we've been aching to see the kid." Emily said, hanging up. 

* * *

_***** _   
_**"Scream for me, Pen.."** _

_**"I- I can't... no more.. please.."** _

_**"Baby, shhh, you know all you have to do is scream for me." Kris punctuated his statement with a particularly brutal thrust.** _

_**"AH! GOD STOP! AGHHNN!"** _

_**"Oh good boy, so good.."** _

_**"Please stop! Please please please!"** _   
_***** _

"Spencer! Wake up, Kid! Come on, it's Derek, open your eyes!" Derek called out, gripping Spencer's hand as the boy cried out. 

"Please! It hurts! IT **HURTS**!" 

"I know baby, just open your eyes, look at me, pretty boy." Derek coaxed, using a soft voice. 

Spencer stilled at the familiar nickname, his eyes shot open and they immediately landed on Derek. He didn't know what to do, so he broke down into sobs. Derek's arms quickly enveloped him, murmuring words of love and comfort to him, helping soothe him back to even breaths. 

"God.. Derek.. I- I'm scared.. I know he can't get to me here, but I have this feeling, like I'll never escape him." Spencer softly said into Derek's chest. 

"I know, it's okay to be scared, I promise he wont hurt you again, never again, Spencer." Derek promised. 

Both of their attention snapped to the door when Hotch walked in. 

"Reid, I hope you're feeling well. I need to ask you something though." Hotch said.

"What is it?" Derek asked impatiently.

"Do you know what Kristopher kept under the floorboards in your closet?" Hotch asked.

"He doesn't... I do. Theres a small safe under the floorboard, it holds my second handgun." Spencer muttered. 

"Kristopher has it." Hotch said. 

"I'm not surprised, I don't believe he knows the combination into the safe, but I'm sure he managed to get it open." Reid replied. 

"The hospital has increased security on your floor, we will keep you safe. JJ and Emily are on their way here now." Hotch said with a nod before looking to Morgan for a second longer than comfortable. 

"Morgan.. I'd like to speak to you outside for a moment." 

"Stop it." Reid cut in. 

"What?" Hotch asked, shocked.

"Don't treat me like I'm too fragile to hear anything. I've been dealing with Kris for months and I've been able to do my job just fine, I can still help! I'm your best shot to find Kris." Reid yelled.

"If you are okay to work then you are okay to discuss the way you've been putting yourself and your team in danger the last several months." Hotch said sternly. 

"What..?" Reid asked hesitantly.

"You've been working with intense injuries, from the media files I viewed, you should have received proper medical care for. You went into the field like that, you put everyone danger, you're lucky no one got hurt due to your situation." Hotch spoke sternly. 

"Give him a break, Hotch! Damn, he's been through hell, he doesn't need this." Derek snarled. 

"Derek, it's okay." Reid cut in. 

"I understand, Sir. I'm sorry, I won't work in such a condition ever again." Reid promised. 

"I'm more focused that you are never in such a condition again, Reid. I want you to take time off once you are released, 2 weeks at least. I don't want you in the field until every injury is fully healed, I'll keep you in Quantico if I have to." Hotch ordered, though his voice was caring. 

"Yes, Sir." Reid said with a small smile.

"Now, if you believe you can help us find Kristopher, tell me what you know. Where would he go?" Hotch asked. 

"Honestly, I'm not sure. He's quite intelligent, I mean he successfully made me look like an idiot," 

"Reid-" Derek started to protest, but Reid cut him off as if he said nothing.

"He would most likely stay in a hotel while he is waiting for the opportunity to get to me. He will most likely reach out to me, in which case I will agree to meet with him." Reid said confidently.

"No! Absolutely not! I'm not letting you anywhere near him." Derek interjected, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Except Reid was stubborn enough to **make** room for argument. 

"Yes! Damnit Derek, we can use me to put an end to this. How did he even escape? Did he hurt anyone!?" Spencer snapped. 

The silence that followed his question made the color drain from his face.

"Who did he hurt!?" Reid yelled. 

"Hey Kiddo, a shot to the arm didn't stand a chance against my stubborn italian blood!" Rossi responded as he strolled into the room, quickly taking his place by Reid.

"H-he shot you.. God Rossi I'm so sorry, this is all my fault-" 

"Don't go there, kid. This is Kristophers fault, only blame him. You deserve to know that he also killed an officer, shot me with the mans gun." Rossi said softly. 

"Wait, he kept the gun from the officer?" Derek asked. 

"Yeah, I thought that was obvious." Rossi said. 

"If he already has a gun why would he go to their apartment to get Reids?" Hotch asked out to the room.

"That's... a good question.. Reid?" Rossi questioned. 

"I don't know why he would need two.. the only other thing under that floorboard was..." Spencer hesitated and glanced around the room before looking at his lap. 

"Dilaudid." Hotch said for the boy in the bed. 

"Yeah." Reid confirmed. 

"Jesus, Kid. You aren't allowed to date anyone again without me checking them out first." Rossi said seriously. 

"So Kristopher is armed with a gun and dilaudid, he is most likely planning to shoot his way to Reid, then drug him as a form of Chemical restraint." Derek supplied carefully. 

"He won't have to shoot his way to me if I agree to meet him, it's the best way to prevent any casualties." Reid provided. 

"Damnit Reid, this is not the time for your self sacrificing tendencies. If we let him close to you, he will try to kill you before we can take him down!" Derek said angrily, his tone making Reid flinch before defiance flashed in the boys eyes. 

"Don't yell at me, Morgan! This is my decision, I need you to support me right now, I need to have some control over this right now. I haven't had control since he moved in with me, I need to do this!" Spencer yelled, huffing at Morgan. 

"Spencer, I know you feel like you need to do this, but he could seriously hurt you.." Derek tried once more. 

"Shut up! I know what he is capable of, I'm living proof of what he's capable of! Don't lecture me like I'm some defenseless child, I'm done feeling defenseless!" Spencer yelled louder, straining his voice. 

"Spencer, at least think about this-" 

"No Morgan! Get out!" 

"Spence-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Reid yelled, his tone furious. His eyes were like daggers piercing into Morgans soul, motivating the man to take his leave.

"Reid-" Rossi started.

"Don't! If you're going to agree with him, find your leave as well!" Reid yelled

"Hey, listen Kiddo, I agree with you, but Morgan has a point. We have to actually think about this. You just threw the one guy who's been the most hesitant to leave you, out of your room." Rossi scolded. 

"Rossi is right. You can't push us away right now, no one wants to see you hurt worse, Reid." Hotch interjected. 

Reid threw his head back and closed his eyes tight, he couldn't handle the way Rossi and Hotch sounded short with him, it made his skin itch. Hotch recognized the act from earlier, before Reid had a flashback. He felt himself panic and immediately decided they'd be better off finding Derek. 

Hotch quickly stepped out to see Derek was gone, he sighed and called him.

"Hey, Hotch." Morgans voice came through the phone.

"Morgan, I need you to come back to Reids room." Hotch ordered.

"What? The kid just kicked me out, I just need a minute, I'm going to the cafeteria and getting coffee." Derek responded. 

"Well you need to forget your emotions for a moment, he's not doing well, we've all noticed he's too calm for what's happening. He is acting the same way he did last time before he went into a complete panic." Hotch said. 

"What did you guys do?" 

"I think it was our tone, we tried to be strict with him, he just shut down when we got frustrated." Hotch said. 

"HOTCH!" Rossi's voice boomed from the hospital room. 

Hotch hurried back into the room to see Reid with his eyes tightly clenched shut and his head thrown back, shaking back and forth. His cheeks were wet with tears, but he wasn't making any noise. 

"Reid? Reid, open your eyes, its Hotch and Rossi with you right now." Hotch said gently, though Reid didn't respond. 

It was only seconds later that Derek came skidding into the room, immediately at Reids side. 

"Spencer, Pretty boy, come on. Look at me, Kid. I'm right here, it's Derek here with you, I'm grabbing your hand, okay?" Derek gripped Spencer's hand and Reid immediately started to calm down. 

"There you go, Spencer.. Good job, come back to me, look at me, baby.." The nickname slipped out of his lips before he could think about who was there to hear it. 

Spencer opened his teary eyes, immediately looking at Derek in disbelief.

"Hey, I'm right here, Spencer. It's okay." Derek soothed, giving Reids hand a squeeze. 

"D-Derek.. I can feel him.. make it stop.." Reid whispered, slightly squirming. 

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Derek asked the two older agents in the room. 

They both nodded and left, closing the door behind them. Immediately, Derek gave the back of Spencer's hand a kiss, lingering his lips against the soft skin. 

"Spencer, may I kiss you?" Derek asked. 

"P-please.." Spencer muttered.

Derek leaned close and softly kissed Reid, it was short but loving, reassuring for the boy. He pulled away and cupped Reids cheek. 

"I love you, pretty boy." 

"I love you too.." Spencer whispered. 

"I wont let him hurt you." Derek promised. 

"I don't want to see him, but I'll need to.." Reid muttered. 

Both of their heads snapped up to see the room door open, a man in scrubs walking in, what was odd to Derek was the fact that he was wearing a face mask. Spencer on the other hand, knew immediately who it was, he found himself frozen.

Derek caught up only a moment later, recognizing that muscled build, it was Kristopher, in Reids hospital room, with Reid.

As Derek reached for his gun, Kristopher already had his pointed straight at Derek, pulling the trigger before either agents could fully process the situation. Derek fell back as the bullet him in the right side of his chest, blood already steadily flowing. Kristopher rushed to Derek's side, taking his gun before walking to Reid who was still completely frozen. 

"Pen, get up, we are leaving, **NOW**!" Kristopher ordered, gripping Reids arm and hoisting him up and out of the bed. 

It was then that Reid was seeing Derek on the floor, blood spreading across his shirt over his chest. 

"DEREK! NO! NO NO NO! KRIS WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Reid screamed, fighting against Kristophers hold. 

The door burst open to reveal Hotch and Rossi with their guns drawn, but Kristopher had already pinned Reid against his front. 

"KRISTOPHER NELSON, RELEASE AGENT REID!" Hotch ordered.

"Seriously Agents? I just got my baby back, he's not going anywhere." Kristopher snickered, rubbing himself against Reids ass. 

"Kristopher... Kris please... Derek needs help, I'll leave with you, let him get help.." Reid pleaded. 

"THEN TELL THEM TO LEAVE!" Kristopher yelled, nodding his head towards the two agents and now officers crowing in and outside the room. 

"Hotch.. Rossi... You need to leave, Morgan won't make it if he doesn't get help immediately.." Reid said carefully. His eyes said something else, like he had a plan.

Hotch needed to trust his agent, if Spencer had a plan, they needed to believe it would work.

"Fall back, everyone!" Hotch ordered, giving Rossi a look.

They all slowly made their way back, eyeing the cold steel pressed against Reids temple.

"Alright, Pen. We are going to leave together and you are going to be punished for all of this. You really messed up this time, baby." Kristopher whispered into Reids ear. 

"I'm sorry Kris.. I- I missed you.. I won't do it again, I promise." Reid made his voice waver. 

"You missed me, baby?" Kris asked, slightly surprised.

"Yes.. Wanted to be with you.. I- I want to kiss you Kris.. feel you.." Reid whispered so only Kris could hear. 

Reid felt the steel against his head let up, slowly drawing away from him before he was roughly turned around, Kris smashing his lips against Reids, moaning into the agents mouth. 

Reid made an effort to keep it passionate, keep Kristopher distracted. He felt a hand grip his ass, then two, which meant Kristopher had put his gun in his belt again. Reid encouraged the actions just a bit more before bringing his knee up into Kristophers groin. 

"AUGH Y-YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Kristopher howled as he dropped to the ground, cupping his genitals.

The rest of Reids team came storming back in right as Kristopher reached for his gun aiming it towards Reid, gunshots rang out around them. Kristopher had collapsed to the floor, blood spreading around him as he struggled to breathe.

Spencer couldn't bring himself to care about Kristopher, he was already kneeling by Derek who was now unconscious.

"Derek needs medical, now!" Reid hollered.

He was roughly pushed aside as nurses and doctors flooded in, already working on Derek and moving him onto a gurney despite the tight space of the hospital room. 

"He still has a pulse, we need to get him into surgery now!" A doctor yelled, rushing Derek out while others began working on Kristopher. 

Hotch dragged Reid away from Kristophers gasping form, blood pooling around the man who had been his hell for what felt like forever. His ears were ringing from the gunshots and his heart was racing. Everything had happened in such a flash, from kissing Derek to kneeing Kristopher in the groin. He had a hard time processing the last 5 minutes of time. He'd been able to bring Kristopher down too easily, was this real? Was he imagining this? Was he still pressed against Kristopher as Derek bled out on the floor?

"We've lost him!" A doctor called from where they were working in Kristopher.

It was the sounds of the hospital staff attempting to revive his ex-boyfriend and abuser that snapped him into reality. The firm pressure of Hotch securing him against his strong chest. The Unit Chief telling him he was safe and to calm down. Calm down? Was he not calm? It was then that Reid became aware of how fast his ragged breaths were sawing out of his lungs, his chest rapidly rising and falling. The feeling of blood on him, on his hands, Morgans blood.

"Reid, you're safe, you need to breathe, it's alright." Hotch soothed, still holding Reid against himself, keeping a distance between the genius and the lifeless form being jolted in hope of restoring life to it. The lifeless form of his personal hell, every jolt to the body felt like a jolt to Reids own. Terror of the idea that it wouldn't be lifeless anymore, that Kristopher would survive and come for him again. 

Spencer focused his breathing, hearing the team of doctors and nurses announce the time of death for Kristopher a soothing melody to his ears. He couldn't relax, no, not yet. Morgan was in surgery, the love of his life was dying. Kristopher could have killed Morgan, he could have taken away the last hope Reid had for a life, for happiness. 

How would he live without Derek? They'd announced their love to each, not for the first time, before Derek was shot. That wasn't enough, Reid decided. If Morgan survived, he needed more than that. He wanted to spend the rest of his life saying those words to Derek. He wanted to wake up in the larger mans arms, kiss him goodnight, let the athletic man force him into the gym. He wanted to talk Derek's ear off with random facts everyday till they grow old. His entire future was dependent on Derek surviving. 

"Reid?" Hotch questioned. Rossi, Prentiss, and JJ were all around him, looking at him concerned, when had JJ and Emily arrived? 

"D-Derek... we need to find out if he is okay.." Reid said, his voice tight. 

"I just asked, they said he is currently in surgery, he lost a lot of blood, it'll be awhile, Spence. Luckily, he was shot on the right side of his chest, so his heart should be okay." JJ said, rubbing her hand on Reids back in soothing circles. 

"He needs to survive.." Reid said. 

"He will. He's too stubborn to let that bastard take him down." Rossi assured the man who was sitting on his hospital bed, surrounded by his team. 

"He still had a pulse and was breathing when they took him back, he has a good chance, Reid." Prentiss added. 

"I- I need to wait out there for him.." Spencer said, trying to stand.

All at once, the team moved to keep Reid still, not letting him up. 

"You need to rest, you've still not been discharged and are recovering from an infection, stay put. You'll be the first to know once we hear anything." Hotch said firmly. 

Reid hesitantly nodded and stayed put, waiting to be moved to a new room, one that didn't have pools of his loves and his abusers blood on the floor. He needed to wash up, his hands still covered in Derek's blood, now cool, no longer sickeningly warm as he tried to stop the flow from his loves chest. 

"He has to make it.." Reid whispered, more to himself than the concerned team surrounding him. 

_I love him. I can't lose him._


	11. Clouds Turn Pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Kristopher is dead, Derek is in surgery and Reid is praying that he pulls through. If Derek survives, could they have a life together? A new beginning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo This is the last chapter, but hopefully you all can notice that this has been added to a series I have titled "Clouds Turn Pink" !! I will be progressing with this story, so if you are interested to keep up with it, you can always subscribe to the series!

_He's going to be okay. He's going to be okay. He has to be okay. I can't lose him, not like this, not because of **him.** **Him. He** took everything from me, my dignity, my voice, but he can't take away Derek. Not Derek, never Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek! How long could I live without Derek? Not very, not at all. He held me, he told me he loved me. Will he still love me now that He has been shot because of me? Will he be mad at me? If he doesn't survive, he'll never even have the chance to be mad at me. I wont have the chance to kiss him again. He kissed me. He held my hand. He read to me. He took a bullet for me. How do I repay that? He wouldn't support the idea of me taking a bullet for him._

It was two soft knocks that made Spencer leave the world of his thoughts and look up from his hospital bed. JJ was stood by the open door with two cups of what he hoped was coffee and a sad smile on her face. 

"Can I come in?" JJ asked with a sheepish smile.

"Of course." Spencer answered with an even sadder smile than what JJ had been wearing earlier. 

She sat down next to him and handed him one of the steaming cups, revealing tea, good enough. He took a slow sip before making eye contact, though he wasn't sure if JJ was waiting for him to talk. What could he say after everything? Sorry? Sorry that he closed everyone off and let himself be used as an object for over three months? Sorry that he never asked for help and now Derek could die? He wasn't sure what was expected from him during this, he couldn't string two legitimate thoughts together long enough without spiraling and obsessing over losing Derek. Losing him before they could have any form of happiness together. Would he be the one to call Derek's mother, his sisters? He suddenly found himself missing his own mother, he hadn't visited her since Kristopher moved in and had barely written any letters to her. 

"If you think any harder, I might be able to hear you." JJ chuckled softly.

"Sorry. Any word on Morgan's condition?" Spencer asked, he couldn't quite keep the desperate tone out of his voice.

"Not yet, he still had a surprisingly strong heartbeat and was breathing when they brought him back, that's good. He will be okay, Spence." 

"If he's not? He's been in surgery almost 4 hours, how much longer until someone comes to tell me that he is dead?" Spencer snaps, though there is no venom in his words, he's hurting. JJ can see that, she can hear it, all she does is look at him sympathetically. 

"We are all scared, but if he didn't make it, he would want us to live on for him, to make our lives count for something even more." JJ said softly.

"JJ... You know, I'm not sure I can do that." Spencer muttered honestly.

"You can, but you won't have to, Morgan will make it." JJ said confidently, gripping Spencer's hand in her own. 

* * *

"How are you doing?" Rossi asked Hotch, who was sitting with his head in his hands.

"I've been better, two of my agents are in the hospital, one is in surgery and might not make it. Reid was in an abusive situation for months and I had no idea, what kind of unit chief does that make me?" Hotch asked.

"You can't help what they have going on at home. You take good care of them in the field, you've proven more times than I can count that you will go above and beyond for your team. None of this is about your ability to lead this team. Morgan will pull through, Kristopher didn't make it, I can't say I wished for a different outcome." Rossi said.

"I can't either. The photos, the videos that he kept of hurting Spencer. It's hard to believe he didn't hurt or kill someone first. Reid said that Kristopher discovered his gratification from causing pain one night when he was... too rough with Reid. They had been living together for awhile before the abuse started, so maybe Spencer really was his only victim." Hotch sighed.

"He will recover, there is no doubt the kid needs time off work though, maybe he can go see his mom, he hasn't mentioned her in awhile." Rossi said.

"He hasn't mentioned anything in awhile, he's been so withdrawn. We've all miss him, I just wish I had known this was why." Hotch's voice was still laced with guilt.

"Agent Hotchner?" Asked a doctor as she walked into the room holding a clipboard. 

"Yes, that is me. This is SSA Agent Rossi as well. I'm assuming you have news on Agent Morgans condition." Hotch said, standing up, his stoic mask once again in place.

"Yes, I do. He has been out of surgery for an hour now, we had some tests to run and it is very hectic today, but he is doing very well. There were no complications and the bullet was extracted from his chest, nothing vital was damaged, he did need a blood transfusion, but his recovery should be easy. We need to keep him a couple days to be sure he doesn't get an infection, but everything looks good. He should be awake in another hour so." The doctor said, glancing at what Hotch assumed was Derek's medical chart. 

"Thank you, can he have visitors yet?" Hotch asked, he felt as if a great weight had just been lifted, Derek would be okay. 

"He is not awake yet, but since you guys are FBI, I can let you in." The doctor said with a smile.

"We actually need to relay the news to the others first, but we will be visiting shortly after. Another patient here, Spencer Reid, he is one of my agents as well, do you know when he can be discharged?" Hotch asked.

"I can ask his doctor for you, let you guys know as soon as possible." She answered.

"Alright, thank you, we will be in his room." Hotch replied, making his way to Reids room.

* * *

"Reid." Hotch said, walking into his room. JJ and Emily were on either side of him, a tablet displaying Garcia in front of him.

"Hotch. Any news on Derek?" Reid asked with wide, worried eyes.

"Yes, he is out of surgery and should be awake in a little bit," All of the tension and worry visibly drained from the genius. "The surgery went well with no issues. His recovery should be easy, but I'll ensure he gets time off work, you as well. I think two weeks of leave for you both is necessary. Strauss agrees and also wants you to have a psych eval to be cleared after the two weeks." Hotch said softly.

"That all sounds fine, I'll do anything. When can I see Derek?" Spencer asked eagerly.

"I asked to see when you can be discharged seeing as you've been recovering fine from your infection, I think your doctor will visit and give you a look over before letting you leave, but you'll be able to see him soon either way." Hotch answered. He gave the girls a glance, a look he had given many times before, they took their leave, carrying a digital protesting Garcia on their way out. 

"I think Morgan would be happy if you stayed with him during your time off work." Hotch said knowingly.

"What?" Reid asked surprised. Did Hotch know they were... what were they anyway? 

"I don't know what is happening between the two of you, but what you went through, it was hard on all of us to look into, but it hit Morgan the hardest. I saw the way you guys were together, you trust him, he's the one that you opened up to. Obviously the team supports any decisions made, but you do need to be careful. I think you can help each other a lot right now, but you should focus on recovery before anything..." Hotch trailed off, realizing he wasn't quite as equipped for the conversation as he thought he was.

"Hotch, I appreciate it, but I'm not sure he will want anything to do with me after what happened-"

"Don't go there. He will, he will want everything to do with you, Reid. All I wanted to say was that you should focus on your recovery, but maybe... let Morgan help with your recovery." Hotch muttered, losing his confidence as he spoke, he really didn't want to be having this conversation with Reid.

"I will, I promise." Reid said simply, sensing Hotch's discomfort.

* * *

Derek woke up to a pain in his chest, it was a dull ache, but enough to remind him of what happened. The last thing he saw before passing out was Spencer, held tight against Kristopher. He opened his eyes and sat up too fast, desperate to find Reid.

"Whoa, slow down, you're okay." Spencer said softly from the chair by his bed, grabbing Derek's hand.

"Oh god, Spencer!" Derek yelled, his eyes scanning every part of Reids body that he could. He was alive, he was alive and he was right next to him.

"Hello to you too." Spencer smiled, placing a kiss to the back of Dereks hand.

"Did he hurt you?" Derek asked with big worried eyes.

"No. H-He's dead.." Spencer muttered, looking away briefly.

"Good." Derek said confidently.

"He died, Derek. He's dead." Spencer said again.

"I heard you the first time, I stand by what I said. He tortured you, Spence." Derek said calmly.

"I-I know, but it's my fault he's dead." Spencer replied.

"Look at me, Pretty Boy. He is dead because he abused you for months and then killed an officer and shot two federal agents. You are not responsible for his actions, not at all." Derek said firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument. 

"Thank you." Spencer choked out, he didn't even realize he had been crying prior to attempting to reply. 

"For what?" Derek asked.

"For not giving up on me, for saving me." Spencer said, kissing Derek's hand again. 

"I'm hoping one of those kisses will land on my lips.." Derek said with a sly smile, amiibg the genius turn red before leaning over to give Derek a chaste kiss. 

"That's all I get?" Derek playfully groaned. 

"Hotch knows about us.." Spencer said, catching Derek off guard. 

"I can't say I'm surprised, he always has been the best." Derek said fondly. 

"I think he's afraid we're going to start sleeping together once you are discharged." Spencer said casually, this time Derek really was thrown off.

"What!? Did he say something to you?" Derek asked. 

"He said that he supports us, but then awkwardly told me to focus on my recovery while also letting you be a part of it. It felt like I was getting a lecture from my dad.." Spencer explained, his cheeks a deep tomato red. 

Derek laughed.

"It's not funny!" Spencer yelled, swatting Dereks arm.

"C'mon, it's a little funny!" Derek said, still chuckling.

"Of course it's funny to you! You weren't the one who felt like he was about to hear about the birds and the bees from Hotch!" Spencer cried out, though a smile cracked open his lips.

Derek had missed that smile.

"I wouldn't have taken it that far..." Hotch defended himself from the doorway.

"Hotch, how is everyone?" Derek asked.

"Good, I'm sure Reid told you that Kristopher didn't make it." Hotch said.

"He did, I said that was good." Derek said with a nod.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that to spare you a psych eval. Spencer has already been discharged, but he is under strict orders from his doctor-" Hotch started, but was promptly cut off by Reid waving his arms in the air.

"Ah! Stop, it's fine! We don't need to talk about it, I'm a grown man!" Reid said sharply.

"What are the orders?" Derek asked Hotch, gripping Reids hands in his own to calm the boy.

"To start, he is to be on a high calorie diet, he has a BMI of 17, he's only 131.2 pounds. He should be 140 pounds before he is even considered a healthy weight, but his doctors want him at 150." Hotch said sternly. Spencer ducked his head, refusing to meet the eyes of Derek who was staring at him in concern.

"I noticed you were thinner, but Spencer..." Derek said, his voice full of sympathy.

"Don't, it's embarrassing enough." Spencer mumbled.

"He is also to be staying with someone, I told the doctors he would be staying with a member of the team, so I am now telling you that he has been discharged into your care. If you don't want that, he can stay with me or one of the girls." Hotch said.

"No, he'll be staying with me, is that okay Spencer?" Derek asked.

"That's perfect." Spencer said with an awkward smile.

"His bandages will need changed and treated carefully when bathing, he is still on antibiotics and he has a few days left of steroids. Derek, I have already gotten 2 weeks of leave approved for you. Reid, you have three weeks off, though you will be on call for the third week if we get a case, which you know we most likely will." Hotch said.

"Thanks, Hotch." Derek said.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

"Come on, Spencer, _please_?" Derek asked, urging the spoonful of chili closer to the young man.

"I'm not hungry, Derek! I'm a grown man, I'll eat when I'm ready!" Spencer shouted in defiance. Derek sighed.

"You need to gain weight... Just, please? One bite is all I'm asking, I made it for the both of us!" Derek tried again, pushing the spoon even closer to Spencers mouth.

"Stop it! Please stop it, I've already eaten today!" 

"You ate a kids portion of scrambled eggs and didn't even touch the bacon or toast. What's holding you back?" Derek asked, sounding defeated as he dropped the spoon.

"I'm not used to eating so much, may we please go back to the couch, I was reading a really good boo-"

"Spencer, baby... Did Kristopher not let you eat much?" Derek asked carefully.

"Yes! Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear, that I let my boyfriend stop me from eating because he didn't want me getting fat? That I am so pathetic and useless that I let him control literally everything in my life?" Spencer snapped, his eyes brimmed with tears.

"Of course I don't want to hear that, because it isn't true, Spencer. He abused you, that doesn't make you pathetic or useless. You took him down, you fought him, you survived. I am and always will be proud of you Spencer Reid. You saved my life with what you did, I saw what you had to do to take down Kristopher, I know that had to be hard, but you did it and I'm alive because of it. Please, listen to what I am saying." Derek said, pulling Spencer into a tight hug.

"I love you." Spencer cried into Dereks neck, letting all of his emotions pour out in waves as his love held him.

"I love you too, always. No matter what, not even if the clouds turned pink." Derek said, stroking Reids back.

"You know, during a sunset, depending on your position and where the clouds are, they could appear to look-"

"Reid... Shut up and kiss me." Derek said, pulling back and looking into Spencer's eyes, still shining with the tears from earlier.

He did, he kissed him with everything he had and everything he was. He kissed him for the love they shared, for the pain he had felt, for the pain Derek had felt, for the life he couldn't wait to share with him. They hadn't discussed what they were, they hadn't gone further than kissing, but that didn't seem to matter. Derek had proven that he loved Spencer and Spencer had proven the same to Derek. 

For the first time, Spencer felt loved, even if the clouds turned pink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy with this ending, it made my heart all happy and mushy after the destruction writing so much angst has caused!
> 
> This is not really the end, though! I have A LOT of plans for carrying this story forward, from longer multi-chapter works following events and adventures Derek and Spencer will have now that they have just begun a relationship together- to smaller works focusing on fluff, angst, or even smut. 
> 
> So please, if you enjoyed this, consider subscribing to the series because I will be posting so much content that I am excited to write. 
> 
> Peace and Love,  
> \- Nei <3


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